Breakfast of champions

 I am having such a hard time staying motivated right now. I am totally blaming the weather! I did manage to stay on track yesterday and I feel good about that. I even tried to run. I decided that I wanted to run yesterday so I busted out the old treadmill. Oh boy, do I hate that thing. I started out and my thighs felt weird, like it was painful when they jiggled (embarrassing) but I kept going. Normally I know they jiggle, but I can't actually feel it. I was trying to pick up the pace and my calf started hurting. Back track: The night after the 10k I was feeling fine. Nothing seemed sore from my 10k. When I was laying in bed, I did a full body stretch and my calf cramped up really bad. It cramped up off and on through the night. Since that night though it has seemed fine. Back to my story: As I was attempting to pick up speed my calf was starting to cramp. I decided that since I didn't have to run/wasn't enjoying it that I could stop. I really don't want to cause an injury unnecessarily. I was disappointed in myself that I didn't even run for a full 10 minutes, but I let it go.

I was going to do a Jillian Michaels workout today, but it started with a lot of arm swinging and then into push ups and for whatever reason my shoulder is still having issues. I decided that I would do a brisk half hour walk on treadmill. That seems good for a recovery week.

I did have a bit of a non scale victory yesterday along with staying within my calories for the day. I went grocery shopping and actually stuck to my list (for the most part)! I have been enjoying yogurt as a snack so I needed to pick up some yogurt. While looking through the yogurt for my new favorite, Muller, I noticed they had a bit more variety than last week. I had found Muller yogurt and fruit mousse. It is delicious and perfect when I want something sweet. This time along side of the fruit mousse yogurt there were little yogurts with "accessories." They had fruit ones, but of course I was much more intrigued with the desserty types. They had yogurt with "choco balls" and another with caramelized almonds. The fruit mousse yogurt is less than 150 calories (high for a snack, but worth it to me) but these treats were over 200 calories. I bought one of each and decided they could be a breakfast option. Here comes the non scale victory part: I tend to get home from the grocery and want "just a taste" of every delicious food that I brought home. I was trying to move some calories around and eat a yogurt after lunch. I knew that if I spent those extra calories right after lunch, I would be hungry and in need of those calories later. I managed to resist the yogurt all day, even after enjoying a glass of wine!

I did decide that the perfect Halloween Breakfast would be yogurt with "choco balls." I believe I was right.
Breakfast of champs.

yummy holiday breakfast

delicious, but the picture is deceiving

lazy week

I have decided to give myself a week to relax before figuring out what to do next with my running schedule. I really liked having a running schedule so I want to have something to follow and stick with. I also don't want to burn myself out with running so I decided to let myself slack for a week and just run if/when I feel like it.

I really want to focus on my diet this week. I have not truly gotten my eating back in control in a few weeks. I have off and on days which is what my whole summer was and I hated just bouncing back and forth with a few pounds. I really don't want to do that all fall as well. I also really worry on my bad days because it reminds me that I have lost weight before AND gained it all back. I will not let that happen again! I know this time is different because I am loving my running and am not as focused on losing weight and I for sure don't have deadlines for when I would like to have the weight gone. I am more than okay with taking the slow road, especially if it leads to keeping the weight off.

I am feeling good today. I went to bed early last night and am on track for the day. My food is figured out for the day and I feel like I can handle it. I think one of my challenges is lunch. I eat the same breakfast pretty much every day (English muffin with peanut butter) and I plan out a weekly dinner menu, but lunch is just sort of there for me. I realized that when I am on track with my health I am in a good lunch rut. I was in love with my salmon a few weeks ago and that was one of the last times I was really on track. I enjoyed my lunch and then felt satisfied until dinner. These past few weeks I have been throwing together lunch ideas quickly at the last moment. Sometimes they just aren't satisfying and I end up grazing all day long.

I found an interesting coconut chicken recipe that sounds really good to me, but hubby hates coconut. I decided to make a batch tomorrow for lunch and then just portion out servings for each day for my lunch. I think it would be a great idea to make one meal each week that the hubby doesn't/wouldn't like and just eat that each day for lunch. It seems like a win/win for us both. I can enjoy my odd foods and hubby doesn't even have to look at them.

Race recap

Saturday was the day of my first 10k. It was unlike the other race days that I have had. I have only ran two other official races, but for each one I woke up early and had some nice relaxing time before I slowly got ready. This race didn't begin until 10am so I wasn't super worried about being ready on time. Little lady is always up by 7 or 7:30. We were staying at my mom's house so I already had all of my running things together in my overnight bag. I felt prepared. (I did realize that I forgot the camera while we were driving and we were much to far to turn around.)

Friday night the hubby went out to meet up with some friends and I stayed at my mom's with little lady and planned a good night's sleep. I was exhausted and in bed at 9:30. I vaguely remembered hubby slipping into bed later. I slept so good. I went to check my clock at the next time I was slightly awake and it was 7:56am! Are you kidding me?!? We never all sleep this late. Hubby woke up as I was checking my clock and he went to check on little lady. I didn't feel super panicked when I woke up. My mom had said we planned on getting to the race around 9am. We were all (hubby, mom, grandma, aunt, uncle, little lady and myself) riding together in grandma's van to help with parking. For some reason though, in my mind, I kept thinking we had to leave at 9.

I got out of the bedroom and my mom was rushing around and mentioned we would be leaving at 8:30 to get there at 9. I kicked it into high gear and quickly realized I would not be having a relaxing morning. I started drinking some water and got myself into my race gear. I quickly got little lady dressed and put some snacks (for little lady) and a Clif bar(for me) into a bag for the race. I made some coffee to drink in route and ran over to my grandma's (she lives 2 houses down from my mom) to put little lady's gear in the car. We headed over to pick up my aunt and uncle while I enjoyed my coffee and got a little realxing in.

It was pretty cold out Saturday morning so once we got parked and found the starting line my mom, aunt, uncle, grandma and little lady went back to the car to keep warm while hubby and I wandered around. This was the point that race day nerves kicked in for me. I just sort of paced in circles for about a half hour and ate my breakfast Clif. My uncle joined us in the cold for a bit and we all chatted. Then, it was time for the 10k runners to line up. I said my goodbyes and good lucks to my hubby and uncle and headed to the start line. This is were the nerves really kicked in. This was a small race and there were less than 300 runners in the 10k. I realized there was a chance that most of these people were much more experiences than me. I started worrying about being dead last. I had to keep reminding myself that this was my race and I was ready.

We took off and I felt good- even with the feeling that everyone was passing me up. Once we all got into our own space and I found my rhythm, I felt good. I felt even better after the first 3 miles. I ran without my headphones and really wished that I had brought them because it was a little boring to run that long without music, but at the same time I really felt like I was part of the group. I wasn't nearly as slow as I was imagining because there was a little group of us that were running similar paces together. There was a mom pushing a double stroller with 2 kids! I talked to her for a minute and was super impressed with her since I die just pushing one small child.

The course was pretty fun too. It was at a park that we used to swim at when we were little. The course started along the water, then cut along a trail through the woods, over a path in the grass and up and down some dirt hills. It was a little more intense than my flat paved trail, but not to challenging. 

I had three goal for myself: 1. just finish 2. run the whole thing 3. finish in less than 1:15:00. I did all three! I ran the until 10k in 1:08:26! I was so proud! It felt amazing. I started to feel tired around 5.5 miles. We quickly got to the end portion and I could hear an announcer. I picked it up a little and was feeling good. As we got back to the parking lot, I could see the crowd. I scanned the people for my family and saw hubby up ahead waving at me. I ran to him and high fived him as he kept yelling, "Keep going! You're gonna do this!" I turned the corner and cooked it for the tunnel. Hubby quickly ran back through the crowd to meet me at the end. I heard the announcer say my name and found hubby with his hand out again. I high fived him once more and was shuffled through to the 10k finishers area. I got my first racing medal!

I found hubby once more and gave him a huge sweaty hug and asked where my family was. He said that he hadn't found them yet, but thought maybe they were back in the car. We wanted to find the official times before we headed to the car so we started walking around. I happened to look back towards the people still running in and noticed my mom on the course. We bolted through the crowds to cheer her on through the finish line. My aunt was just ahead of her and we learned that my uncle was still out there.

I spent some time in my head trying to figure out how they were still out there after I managed to finish my 10k. I hadn't really thought about what time they would be done since the 5k left at 10:15. Again I seemed to have forgotten the concept of time and didn't realize that if there would be a chance we would finish around the same time. My mom, aunt, and uncle walked the 5k. My mom and aunt finished in less than an hour and my mom beat her last time by 2 minutes!

We found our times and headed back to the car to find my grandma and little lady. (Grandma was keeping little lady safe while we got our run on.) I was feeling super amazing, but hubby was bummed. He was super proud that he had actually ran the whole 5k this time (last one he ran and walked through) and thought he did amazing. He saw his time was about 35 minutes and was super disappointed. (last one was just under 30) He didn't say much about the run all day, but I could tell he was very disappointed. When we got home on Sunday, we had an email that the 5k turn around was off and the course was a little longer than it should have been and that they updated the times. His finishing time stayed the same, but his pace went from about 11:30 min/mile to 9:52 min/mile. It would have been under 30 minutes! He is amazing!

I am so proud of myself and my family for our run adventures!

I wore this shirt Saturday and Sunday and of course the medal!

Friday figures and an overdue farewell

I am not going to lie, but I definitely thought about trying to use an old picture for my weigh in this week. It definitely could have been worse but I am very disappointed with myself. With that said though, I am not shocked I knew I was only half in this week. I get to start fresh again and I am ready!

On a positive note, I do feel good about owning up to this weight gain. When I was losing on weight watchers there was no way I would have gone to a meeting just to see a gain. I would have changed weigh in days or skipped the week all together. I think it's a positive step to just own it and move on.

Another slight positive here is that even with all the over eating I did this week I managed to stay out of the 170s that is a step in the right direction. All summer long I stayed around 174-178. I would just bounce up and down in that range. I think publicly posting my weigh ins keeps me constantly aware that even though I am still in the 160s, I gained over a pound. I think this will help keep me losing weight and not bouncing around with my weight.

In all of this disastrous eating I have done this week I do have a food related NSV. I have been mentioning here and there that I really want to enjoy life and not over due this whole "dieting" thing. I really do feel like this is a lifestyle that I am enjoying and therefore can enjoy the occasional treat. I also know that "occasional" treat can easily get out of hand with me. Yesterday evening, the hubby and I took little lady on a short hike. It was wonderful but on the way home hubs decided he wanted to stop at McDonald's for an ice cream. I can't control his eating nor do I want to nag him all the time. I was thinking about getting an ice cream since I had already eaten more than I had planned for dinner. (that makes total sense, right?). I was planning on ordering some tasty ice cream even while we were in the drive thru. Thankfully though there was a long line which gave me time to think. I realized that I wasn't even really in the mood for ice cream and if I was I would much rather splurge on quality ice cream. I successfully passed up ice cream!


I have also decided to say farewell to an old friend. These pants were the pants I wore in the hospital after having little lady. I had bought them one size bigger than I was wearing because I heard you are swollen so these pajama pants are size XXL. I was super embarrassed to buy them, but once I put them on I didn't care what they said. They were soft, warm and welcoming-just what I needed at that time.

exposed elastic

worn with love

I think I may have clung on to them just a bit to long. I have been letting them comfort me when I have plenty of other pajama pants that can love me now. I have realized that when I binge, I look for these pants. I don't want to keep fat pajama pants lying around the house. I don't need them nor should I be wearing torn up pants. (probably shouldn't be posting pictures of my worn out pjs online for everyone to see either) These are heading out to the trash today.

I do love the way that they give the impression that I don't have a muffin top though. Soon enough though, I won't have a muffin top.

Spring day in October

The weather yesterday and today has been amazing! It makes me so happy when it's nice out. I hear we are back to our regularly scheduled October weather tomorrow. It was nice to have a little spring preview though. I think my moods are definitely affected by the weather.

Yesterday I had a near perfect healthy living day. I did "enjoy" a bit yesterday, but it was in my calorie range. I was making chocolate covered pretzels for little lady's Halloween party today and had a bit of extra melted chocolate after the pretzels were done. I didn't want to waste chocolate so I made a few chocolate covered strawberries. They were delicious and I truly enjoyed them! Plus, I didn't even feel guilty.


This morning little lady and I went to her Halloween party. I tried to get a cute picture of her in her costume but it wasn't cooperating well. I was bummed that the felt pieces of her peacock tail kept getting covered. I might try to brain storm a way to make it better for Halloween. She did get a lot of compliments though so I was happy.

I swear it was much cuter in person.

Little lady took a tractor ride and made a new friend. Her friend doesn't look as happy as she does.

I also managed to stay on track at the party. There are always so many tasty little treats at a party. It's tough because they were all little bite sizes which almost made you want to taste them all. I figured that would add up pretty quickly. I had a small piece of bread and half of a pig in a blanket. Both of which I had tried to offer little lady because I thought they were a better choice than cookies, but she didn't agree and wouldn't eat them. I felt bad just offering them to her and throwing them away since it would also be rude to put them back down after I touched them. So I guess I count it as enjoying the party as a regular person who is not food obsessed (or perhaps just obsessed with not being food obsessed). I counted the calories of what I ate and have already written down the rest of my meals for the day and it should be a success.

I am planning on enjoying the rest of this day's amazing weather. The hubby called this morning and asked if we could go hiking when he gets home if it's still this nice out. I was pretty stoked because he doesn't always want to be super active after a long day of work and there is a new trail near our house that I have been wanting to check out. My friend and I were actually supposed to hike it yesterday after out run but we ran out of time. I hope everything is enjoying this unusually nice fall weather!

Halloween fun

I am seriously stuck in some rut. I get so frustrated with myself and my own lack of self control. I did great all day yesterday. Then, the hubby and I had an opportunity to stop by a new local brewery. I figured I could enjoy one beer. I am still trying to focus on keeping my calories in check, but not let it get in the way of enjoying life. I ordered one beer and that was the plan. The hubby got a beer and a side of homemade chips. I wish I could say I was strong enough to refuse the chips, but I did mention they were homemade, right? I wish I could say I only had a taste of the chips, but who can eat just one chip? Gross, I totally shared the chips with the hubby. I guess that is better than wolfing down the whole plate of them.

I also wish I could say I stopped at the chips. We got home and I was feeling the buzz from my one beer. Then I felt the regret of eating chips. Somehow the only way for me to cope with eating more than I had planned was to continue to eat until I went to sleep. I am not planning a great weigh in for Friday this week, but I will weigh in. I need to be able to own up to the damages that I cause.

I am happy to say that today was a much better day health wise than yesterday. I ate reasonably AND went for a 2 mile run with a friend. My last run before my 10k! I also went for a 2 hour long walk with another friend. It was in the 70s here today, which is unheard of for Michigan in November so I really wanted to get the most out of it. I also stayed on track with my eating.

I have been a bit busy these past few days. I was planning on having little lady wear her Halloween costume from last year. It was a little big on her then and she is still a tiny little girl. I tried it on her about a month ago and it fit her for the most part. Since then though I have noticed some of her pants are awkwardly short on her. This weekend I was realizing that last year's costume may not work for her anymore and I was thinking about picking up a clearance costume for her.

On Sunday night I was looking at Pinterest before bed and saw the cutest peacock tutu ever. I thought it looked easy enough to make, but wasn't sure I would like it enough for her costume. I figured it would at least be cute for dress up if it didn't work as her costume. Monday morning we made a quick trip to the craft store and bought out supplies. I think I spent about $15 so not a bad price for a costume. I made her the tutu and it came out super cute! I also grabbed a pair of orange Halloween socks and made them into leg warmers to give her some nice bird legs. I bought a barrette and some peacock feathers as well for her to wear in her hair. She has a ruffly romper outfit that she wore for her one year photos and is perfect underneath. I just need to get her a long sleeve shirt to match under everything.

peacock tutu, hair clip and orange bird leg warmers

Weekend Recap

I know, I am slightly behind here. I had a great weekend, but lost steam some time on Sunday. I was really proud of myself on Friday night. I was feeling a binge coming on and did overeat, but actually counted everything I ate and was over by 200 calories. I felt ok about it and didn't count it as a binge because I did feel in control the whole time. I really felt genuinely hungry.

Saturday was busy crazy day of Farmers market, long run and a baby shower. I kept my calories in line even counting the food at the shower and not using my run calories. I was feeling really good!

Then Sunday hit. I don't know what went wrong, but I should have just stayed in bed. We had planned on meeting up with the husband's mom and step dad for some fall fun. We went to a pumpkin patch and an apple orchard. It was really fun but none of the kid activities were open before noon. That left one delicious option to keep us entertained. Doughnuts. We sat around and enjoyed coffee and doughnuts. I did good while there. I had half of a pumpkin cream cheese and half of a caramel apple doughnut. I figured one doughnut wouldn't hurt me. I was thinking about this long term and I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life avoiding cider mill doughnuts, that's no way to live! I don't want to pick up doughnuts each trip to the grocery store either so I feel happy with an occasional cider mill doughnut. 

Little lady picking out the perfect pumpkin.

Little lady thought it was fun to "swim" in the rocks at the apple orchard.

Unfortunately/fortunately my husband doesn't seem to have a problem with self control. He bought a dozen doughnuts for us all to share. We maybe ate 6 doughnuts there and brought the rest home. I am guessing you can see where this story is going? We got home and I am still feeling this funk that I am fighting to get out of. I decided I would eat one more doughnut while I cooked a squash for lunch. One lead to two which lead to all sorts of other food mistakes. It also ended with me requesting pizza for dinner. We cooked frozen pizza and I ate three slices because I was seriously so stuffed from the day long binge I had been on. I was so uncomfortable that I nearly cried. I just wanted to puke and sleep it off. We watch some tv and the hubby put his arm around me. I wanted to cry because the weight of his arm was crushing my now bloated stomach and it was physically painful. 

I woke up on Monday morning with that great womanly surprise that explains why you just want to eat and cry. Ugh, gross. I did weigh myself which I knew would be crazy, but I tend to not weigh myself the day after a binge then struggle to get my eating back on track until I finally weigh in and accept it. I actually saw 175 again. I felt defeated but I knew a lot of it was water weight. By the time I got dressed my weight was 172. This morning I was back in the 160s so I am ok. I have to remember that this is not a race. It took my all summer to get out of the 170s so I am fine if it takes me all fall to get out of the 160s. Well, as long as I head to the 150s. I will do it eventually.

running and more running

Today was my last long training run. I was feeling really anxious about it for no real reason. I think it may have just hit me that next week is my first 10k! I really wanted to get my run done as soon as possible. I had a few things to get done this weekend and I just didn't want the run to be hanging over my head the whole time. The hubby agreed to watch little lady for the run so it was just a matter of lining up his errands and mine. He headed out to Menards early while little lady and I went to the recycling center and the farmers market. (It was my last chance for the year.)

As soon as hubby got home from Menards, I was out the door. The schedule had a 5.5 mile run for today, but after my best run ever I have sort of tried adding on an extra quarter mile to each long run. I was aiming for 5.75 miles. Since I don't have a Garmin (yet) and I don't have a smart phone I just use landmarks for distance. I occasionally use mapmyrun.com to get an idea of where I should turn. Conveniently the trail that I run on seems to have streets crossing it about every quarter mile so usually it just works out that I run until the next street on the trail. This morning I went online to see where I would turn and noticed that the next street I would cross on the trail was quite a bit further down and would have made my run well over 6 miles. I wasn't quite interested in that. I decided that I would just have to guess an extra quarter mile from where I turned around last week. (quarter mile out and back gives me an extra half mile)

Once I hit the trail and was feeling good I realized that I would never be really sure how far I ran and then would be extra nervous about adding on mileage at the 10k. I realized that if I turned at last weeks spot and ran back to the road that leads to my house, I could just cross over that road and run to the next street on the opposite side of the trail. I assumed it would add the necessary half mile and I could rest easy this week.

My run went well. I was feeling pretty good through most of it. I wore what I think I will wear next weekend for the official race and had no wardrobe issues so that was good. I ate what I think I will eat for breakfast around the same time I think I will be eating next weekend. The run took place around the same time it should next weekend. It took me awhile to finish though. I am not sure of my speed because I do run with a stopwatch but I forgot to start it at the beginning and learned that it stops keeping time after one hour. So, it did take me well over an hour for this run.

When I got home I decided to see how far I ran according to mapmyrun. I was shocked to see that I had ran 6.04 miles! I am feeling much more confident for next weekend! I can't believe that it is even impossible for me to run 6 miles! Plus I did it straight through, no walking stops! As long as the hills don't mess me up to much there is actually a chance I will run the whole thing!

Friday figures

I am back to the weekly weigh ins! I was hoping to see more of a loss since it has been two weeks since I posted a weigh in, but I am still just happy to post a loss.

I am down 1.1 lbs from two weeks ago. I was feeling down about it until I looked at my previous weigh in and remembered how excited I was when I posted 168.7 so I decided that I need to be even happier with a 167.

Today I am struggling with an old mentality- When I was on Weight Watchers, after I would weigh in I would eat whatever I wanted for the rest of the day. Since I "officially" weighed in today AND had a loss my mind keeps wandering to the kitchen. I am really trying to make my new habits a lifestyle and gorging myself on treats after seeing lower numbers just doesn't seem productive. I want to enjoy the treats throughout the week when they come around; such as enjoy tapas on Wednesday night.

I have kept myself on track so far today and dinner is already in the crock pot. I will continue to stay strong and have another loss next Friday.

Living Experiences

Last night was the MOMS night out for October. I was excited and nervous for it as usual. I enjoy going out with the other moms once per month, but at the same time I always feel awkward and haven't really connected to anyone in this group yet. I am still glad that I joined though, all of the moms are really nice.

Last night's adventure took us to a tapas bistro downtown, San Chez. I had never been there before, but have always heard great things about it. I was really looking forward to seeing what this place was all about. I knew tapas were small food portions, but I wasn't sure if we would be eating there. I thought we were just going out for drinks. I had a reasonable dinner before I left and had figured I could enjoy a drink or two. Once we all got to the restaurant and got situated though, it became obvious that we would be sharing some tapas. I felt panicked and wanted to leave immediately. I had not budgeted for food! Everyone decided each mom could pick one tapas and we would share them all. I know that I could have said that I would not be eating, but I felt like I would look foolish not partaking in the foods so I went for it. I was glad that I did because the food was delicious! It was also super expensive so I don't think I would go back therefore just another reason to be glad I got to enjoy it. I just took very small samples of each selection. I also still enjoyed 2 drinks.

On the drive home I was feeling bad about my decisions and felt like I had gone off track. I then remembered that life happens and just a few days ago I realized that even though I am changing my lifestyle to a healthier version, I still want to enjoy life as it happens. I did not overindulge at the restaurant. I just sampled some delicious food with some new mom friends. That is life and that is what I want to be enjoying right now.

Also, I am now 7 days binge free! I was really looking forward to tomorrow's weigh in, but last nights food does make me nervous. I didn't weigh in today(I do weigh myself every morning.) because it was most likely to be higher than the previous day and I didn't want to regret last night. I am hoping that tomorrow's weigh in will be great though.

Feeling it now

I am finally seeing some new numbers on the scale and am starting to get really excited. I feel like it's possible to just fly right out of the 60's and right into the 50's, which is so hard to believe because I spent most of the summer in the 70's gaining and losing the same 5 pounds. I spent the weekend dreaming about what weight I could be at by certain dates and felt really good about it!

Last night I remembered my previous visit to the 50's. I very shortly dropped to the 50's and found it impossible to stay there and eventually just stopped trying and eventually gained every last pound back and then got pregnant to add even more weight. So I am scared. I managed in the 60's before and held on for a bit, but the 50's were not reasonable for me. I keep reminding myself that this journey I am on is mine and completely different than my previous attempts.

As much as I am nervous about how I will handle lower numbers, I started to dream about my goal weight. I have always had my "goal" as 145lbs. My healthy range is 108-146. I picked 145 because it's a nice number and secretly I figured why not stop as soon as I get there? Since my mindset has changed though I started thinking, why stop there? I am thinking perhaps my goal could be 135 with hopes of maintaining in the 30's. It sounds absolutely crazy to me that I could possibly weigh less than 140lbs. However, it doesn't feel impossible anymore, just scary. I am also willing to live in the 40's as long as I need to/possibly forever if that is where my body feels comfortable. I don't want to put stress on myself that isn't necessary. My goal is not to be as skinny as possible my goal is to be as healthy as possible.

Close call

I talked myself out of a potential crisis situation, sort of. Little lady and I finished our grocery shopping for the week today. We had just a few things on our list, one of those being brownie mix. I keep hearing people talk about mixing pumpkin with brownie mix and I really wanted to try it. I have mixed pumpkin with cake mix and liked it, so why not brownie mix. We got to the baking aisle and I saw No Pudge brownie mix which I haven't looked for since being on Weight Watchers. I checked the nutrition label versus other brownie brands and it was slightly lower in calories so I decided on No Pudge brownie mix. My plan was to make them this afternoon, enjoy one, save one for hubby and freeze the rest individually. Then, I would have portion controlled brownies when I needed them. I mean, sure I haven't needed brownies on this whole journey yet, but I figured I should prepare now. (Although I have secretly eaten mug brownies during some times of out of control eating.)

While deciding on which brownie mix I would use, something caught my attention- carrot cake mix. I don't spend a lot of time looking at the cake mixes so I don't know if this is rare/new, but I don't remember ever seeing this before. I started thinking that pumpkin and carrot cake mix would be quite tasty together. I was thinking about making them into cupcakes and I could freeze those as well. I continued shopping and started thinking about these cupcakes. Everyone knows a carrot cake isn't complete without...cream cheese frosting. Thankfully, I did not buy a container of cream cheese frosting because I am pretty sure I would be sitting here eating it straight out of the container and talking about tomorrow being a new day. However, I remembered last year making a frosting out of cool whip, cream cheese and powdered sugar. I already had cream cheese(1/3 fat) and sugar at home, so I picked up a tub of cool whip(store brand-lite).

It doesn't end there though. While in the cool whip/dessert/ice cream aisle, I decided I should check on the ice cream. Why not, right? I am already there. I might as well look around. What if there is a new flavor there that I haven't seen. Well, wouldn't you know that I saw something I hadn't seen before! It was Arctic Zero ice cream-150 calories a pint. I found chocolate peanut butter and couldn't put it down.

I finished my shopping without any other items that weren't on the list. As I was checking out, I started to panic about the "junk" I was buying. I didn't want it anymore, but felt just as stupid to pull out all the junk food and explain that I didn't want it anymore. I should have been stronger and not cared what my cashier thought, but I carried on and bought the junk.

We got home and I was putting away the groceries away while little lady ate lunch. I could feel my out of control feeling coming back to me. I almost stopped putting the groceries away to warm up my own lunch and eat then. I usually have problems if I eat lunch to early and it almost always leads to me snacking through the entire naptime. I decided to hold off on lunch and continue with the groceries. I put the cool whip in the freezer- I don't like to eat it frozen so I think I can handle it in there. If I take it out to thaw, at least I will have some time to rethink. I put the cake mix in the cupboard and figure I can save my carrot/pumpkin cupcakes for an evening that we have friends over so I know I will have to use self control. I tasted the Arctic Zero. It wasn't as bad as I was imagining, but it also wasn't good enough that I wanted to completely indulge. I am actually glad I bought the ice cream (Is it even ice cream?) because when I have ice cream in the house I usually plan on just having a taste now and then, but a taste always end up being at least a serving or two. This I could taste every once in awhile if I am just feeling snacky.

I left the No Pudge mix on the counter to be baked in the afternoon. As I got little lady situated for her nap I started to get the kitchen cleaned up from her lunch and really thought about these brownies. I am not craving brownies right now, I am just curious how it will taste with pumpkin. I don't need to make brownies today and given that I was feeling "off" I decided that I really shouldn't make brownies today. I put the mix away to save for a day that I can better handle it. Phew!

I checked my 10k training schedule to see what was on plan so I could distract myself from the kitchen and kick this mood to the curb before it ruins the progress I am making again. I had 45 minutes of cross training. I really didn't want to do the treadmill again so I decided to do a workout video. I liked slim in 6 for awhile during my college days and was going to do that, but the DVD wouldn't read. I found Billy's Bootcamp and decided to give it a go. It was interesting to do because I remember not being able to keep up before. It was quick moving, but I could keep up with the Billy! However, 15 minutes into it I was bored and did not want to do a video. I decided that since it's a cross training day and I am being moody I should find something that seems fun to me. I really just wanted to shake the mood and as long as I was moving for 45 minutes, I could count it. I decided to put on some music and use my stairs. I ran up them 10 times during every other song. During the rest of the time I would dance/flail/walk. I ended up climbing my stairs 40 times. It was enough to get my heart going and a little sweaty. Most importantly though, I feel better and in control again. Still no brownie for me though.

Mustard

I did it! I wore my bright yellow mustard sweater out today! I felt amazing and didn't mind if the color brought a little attention my way. I even took a picture of me before I left. I thought I looked amazing and sort of panicked once I was out because occasionally I think I look great in a picture when it's nice and small on the camera and then when it's full size on the computer I realize that I look rough. As soon as little lady went down for her nap, I pulled up the picture on the computer. I was okay with what I saw. It was also nice to only have to take one picture to get a good one and not take a million different pictures to try to make myself look less fat.

feeling much better than last week!

This picture actually helped me on my run this afternoon. I got some more use out of the treadmill today. I had 3 miles on the schedule and figured I could get it in while little lady sleeps. It felt better than last time, but was also super boring. I did not feel like running. I took 2 breaks from the treadmill during the run. I got it done though and feel good about it. As I was nearing the end of my run I kept thinking I could just stop running and call it day, that I didn't need to do the whole 3 miles. Then, I started to think about why I want to run. I was thinking about how nice the picture made me feel. I hate full body photos, but I don't hate this one. I like that my legs are beginning to thin out- running sure is good for the legs! I also really liked that my collarbones really popped in the picture. There have been times where I try to make them pop a little for a picture in hopes of tricking someone into believing that I am not as heavy as I am, but these were truly there on their own- I am betting running may have helped take some of the extra padding off them. I also can see my midsection isn't as big as it was but still has some extra cushion- running will help shrink that down some more. So I finished strong and felt happy!


On a different note there were some possible victories for me this weekend. I turned down pizza twice! I was proud and felt like it was victorious but at the same time I don't want to go over board on not letting myself enjoy pizza occasionally. I felt that I really needed to eat well this weekend after the rough start to last week (it paid off though because I am back down from my binges and heading in the right direction).

While we were out thirfting on Saturday we had planned on going out to lunch. The hubs and I don't always agree on where to eat so before lunch time the hubby told me he would really prefer Jet's (pizza place) or Subway. I agreed on trying to let that happen since Jet's will sell by the slice and I would just order one. I really was hoping for Subway though because Jet's pizza is super greasy. As luck would have it, the plaza we were thrifting in around lunch time had both a Jet's and a Subway. Hubby was set on Jet's and for a second I almost went with him there. I used to have a crazy fear of ordering food alone in a restaurant. Even if we were in a food court, I would eat wherever he was eating from even if I didn't like it so I didn't have to order alone. Thankfully, I snapped out of it before entering Jet's and told him I was going to Subway. He got his pizza and met us (little lady and I) at Subway. We enjoyed our lunch together and I felt successful.

Sunday we had planned on cooking up some of the pierogies we made last month, but as evening got closer, hubby was feeling pizza again. We don't order pizza very often and I tend to always say no when he wants pizza so I told him that he could have pizza, but I was going to eat my planned meal. I felt sort of bad for not sharing dinner with him, but I had already thawed out the pierogies and was actually excited for dinner. I had something new to pair my pierogies with. Last weekend at the farmer's market I bought a huge bag of squash to share with my mom. One of the squashes that I got, the farmer described as sort of a cross between a butternut squash and an acorn squash- it's a butterCUP squash. I hadn't heard of that before and was excited for it.

buttercup squash! I loved the look of it.

The pierogies that I made were my sweet cheese ones so I thought they would go perfectly with a slightly sweet squash. I cut open the squash and "gutted" it, then roasted it in a pan with a little bit of water at 350* for almost an hour. I mashed up the flesh and added about a tablespoon of syrup to it. It was delicious! My pierogie filling was made with low fat ricotta cheese so I don't think they were to bad for me. I felt full and happy, which would not have happened if I ate the pizza (well, full? yes, happy? no)

flesh inside

The seeds were huge! We roasted them for a little snack. They were ok, but I enjoy acorn squash seeds better.

Last side note of this long post. I also found a fruit I had never seen before while I was out today-Kiwi berries. They are about the size of grapes and tasty! I am enjoying my new fruits and veggies. Who knew being healthy could be so fun?!?

cute little kiwi berries

Weekend recap and more

As the weekend comes to and end I can't help but think this was a perfect weekend - slightly lazy, but still accomplished a few things.

Friday I was thinking a lot about my new love of healthy living. I really want to focus more on enjoying life and still being healthy. I don't want to feel like I have to turn down fun events because I don't know if I can control myself. I also want to live in the moment and enjoy life while losing weight. I tend to turn down fun ideas from the husband all of the time because they may involve eating or drinking. I was trying to come up with something fun to do at home on Friday that he would really enjoy. I know that he loves sitting by the campfire and I usually turn him down because either I don't want to drink a ton by the fire, or I think it's to cold.

Oddly enough before I even asked him to enjoy the fire with me, he asked if I wanted to have a fire. I was excited. I had already decided that I would just wear my winter coat to the fire to stay toasty. (I don't know why I have never thought to do this before. I always just wear a hoodie and then complain that it's cold.) I also wanted to enjoy one drink at the fire. I was thinking about my wine, but then realized it's in the fridge and will be cold. I wanted to make a nice warm drink so I looked through what we had. The only alcohol we had in the house was wine, beer and peppermint schnapps from last Christmas. I decided I would make a hot chocolate and add the peppermint schnapps. It was pretty tasty and I had enough calories to cover it and enjoy guilt free.

spiked hot cocoa in a cozy mug

We sat out by the fire and talked for awhile. I sipped my hot chocolate and stayed bundled up in my sweatshirt and winter coat, while the hubs stayed warm in a hoodie. It was nice and I truly enjoyed that. We also planned some fun for Saturday.

What a blazin fire we had!

Saturday morning we woke up early, well little lady woke us up at her usual 6:45. We all got ready for the day and left the house around 7:50 to get my car back to shape. The hubby checked the tire when he got home from work and said that I ruined the actual rim/wheel of the tire and that can be costly. I was feeling really bad about it, but he was super sweet about it and went down to Discount Tire with me in the morning.  I have a temporary wheel on until they can call for parts on Monday and let me know.

ugly tire, but drives nice

After what felt like forever we were on for the fun portion of the day. We went thrifting!  I love that we both really enjoying thrifting and can enjoy that time together. I found so many fun clothes. I only had 2 sweaters/long sleeve shirts in my closet. I always felt to fat to wear sweaters so my whole wardrobe consisted of jeans, t shirts and cardigans. In the winter I would just wear a cardigan over my summer outfits. I felt like it hid my muffin top much better than a sweater. Lately I have been wanting to wear actual sweaters and long sleeve shirts. We went to 3 thrift stores and I bought 6 shirts, one hoodie and one pair of jeans. I am so excited. Each shirt and the hoodie were about $3 each, so $21 on tops  and the jeans were $7 but they are seven for all mankind. I was excited about the jeans, but they don't fit me yet. They will though! I also love the hoodie. It feels slightly quilted and super warm. I also love that I feel confident enough to start wearing brighter colors. I don't feel the need to blend in.

$28 worth of clothes

Sunday has been much more laid back. Little lady and I decided to head out for a few things, mainly diaper cream. I decided to go to Target instead of the much closer Meijer because (a) little lady was cranky and I thought a long car ride would help and (b) my Target running running shorts size large seemed a bit big and I wanted to buy clearance shorts for next summer. We spent a lot of time looking at all the wonderful Target things. They had some really cute coats! I loved that I could try them up and zip them up! I didn't buy any coats though because I don't really need any fall coats and they were $40. I did end up buying a new cardigan. I have wanted a mustard yellow one forever, but haven't found one/wasn't sure I felt confident enough to wear yellow. I have one now and I will feel confident enough to show it off! I also bought a size medium pair of running shorts. They are a different cut than my size large though so the mediums are tight. I can still wear them though, but they really accentuate the muffin top. I think they will be perfect for next year.

As we were at Target, I realized that we were super close to Kohl's (I don't head to this side of town often). Kohl's is one of the few places that I can buy bras. The bras that I had been wearing were finally getting ridiculous on me. The cup went up so high on my chest that it was very noticeably peaking out in a tank top. It just looked odd and the band was starting to feel loose and spend most of the day riding up on me. We headed in to bra shop. I wasn't sure what size the bra was that I was wearing. I thought it was 38DD (the size I always claim to be) so I looked at 38Ds. I don't know why I didn't think to try a smaller band on. I was in a panic, I hate bra shopping. I tried on a few but they didn't fit right. As I was trying bras on I looked to see what size and brand my current bra was. I knew I bought it at Kohl's and figured I would just get a smaller one of the same bra. My old bra was 40DD. I didn't like seeing that and was glad I had blocked that out of my memory. I couldn't find the brand that I wanted, but ended up finding a brand that actually carried a 36DD. It's hard to find larger cup sizes with smaller bands. I tried it on and it feels perfect! I am wearing a 36DD bra! I feel great and am excited that my band size is 4 inches smaller than last time. Although the old bra was always worn on the tightest fitting and wasn't tight at all. I am wearing my new bra on the loosest fitting, but it feels perfect!

Long run, long day

Another Saturday, another long run done. I am starting to get both nervous and excited for the soon to be here 10k. I have only one last long run to get in before the race. How exciting! I will officially be running it alone, which I think I am actually thankful for. I would love to have someone running with me, but at the same time I have been training for this for what will be 8 weeks. I feel like I am ready for it and want to see what I can accomplish. I don't really know what to expect.

I usually run my long runs at an average pace of between 11:30 and 12:00 so ideally I think I could finish in an hour and fifteen. Although both of my 5ks have surprised me and I average between 10:30 and 11:00 pace. I was thinking I could for sure make my goal, but then everyone keeps talking up these hills. I honestly will not feel bad at all if it takes me longer than expected. The goal I really want to achieve is to run the whole thing. However again if the hills are to much for me, I will not feel bad walking. I have totally stuck to my training plan with the exception of one day and I am proud of myself for that. I am realizing what a time commitment it is to run longer races (not that a 10k is a super long race, but it definitely takes more time to train for than my 5ks).

The road leading to my running trail

Today I had 5 miles on the schedule. I was actually really looking forward to it because of how amazing last weeks long run went. I ended up running over 4.75 when I only set out to run 4.5 and really could have kept going. I was hoping for that same high today. It wasn't there. The weather did not look promising at all for the weekend. Rain, rain every day. We had a few errands to get done Saturday morning and it was pouring while we were out. I was thinking about possibly doing my long run Sunday. We got home in the afternoon and hubby planned on relaxing so was fine with me running then. The rain had let up but I secretly wasn't feeling it. I checked the weather and it looked like ran for Sunday too and since it wasn't raining at that moment and hubby was offering to keep little lady in check, I dressed for the run.

It was cold so I wore pants, t shirt, and a long sleeve running shirt. I headed out and hoped for the best. The first half felt like it took forever but it wasn't a tough run (if that makes sense). At 2.5 miles, I turned to head back. Within a half mile, the ran started back up. I started to feel really paranoid about my iPod getting wet. I was wishing that I hadn't brought it, but I am starting to really like music on my long runs. I pushed it further up my sleeve and hoped for the best. I think my focus being shifted to my iPod helped to make the time pass quicker. Although I was definitely wet at this point. My pants were my first pair of running pants and are a bit to big, add water to that and they weighed a more and were trying to slide off. I looked like a mess, but felt like a bad ass running in the rain on a chilly day. I started to think of when I could let myself stop running. I was not feeling as great as I was last weekend but decided I could still try for the full 5 miles. Last weekend I continued to run the rest of the road to my house instead of switching to a cool down walk. I was deciding if I would run the rest of the way home (to add on an additional quarter mile) or just walk. I really want ed to walk at the 5 mile mark, but figured then I would get cold and just be cold, wet and walking down the road in the rain. I ran for about 2 more minutes and stopped to walk. It was just as miserable as I was imagining so I sucked it up and ran the last minute/minute and a half home.

5 miles took me 58:24

I then ran an additional 3:30 (estimating, my stopwatch stops at an hour) minutes for my last quarter mile.

I felt proud! (and cold and wet) I am excited to see how next weeks run goes and am really hoping for that amazing feeling during the official 10k.

Deflated

Thankfully not me, but definitely my tire which I will get to in just a moment. I am feeling happy and positive again. I managed to finish yesterday with a run which made me happy, but not as happy as I usually feel after a good run. I just let little things get to me and I shouldn't. Thankfully my healthy spirit was back and I did not binge yesterday! After feeling frustrated with hubby I relaxed with some tea and the blanket I have been working on for little lady. I felt much better and relaxed before I went to bed.

Today I had a few things on the agenda and am proud of how things turned out even with a bump in the road. My best friend wanted to leave her car here when she went out of town so that it would be easier to pick up her dog after her trip. Little lady and I got ready early so she (and her boyfriend) could visit with us while they waited for their ride. We actually managed to be ready extra early and while little lady was distracted (watching tv, I know bad mom) I decided to clean my bathroom. Fridays is bathroom day and I had a lot of things to accomplish during naptime so I figured getting one of the bathrooms out of the way would be amazing. It was! Shortly afterwards my friend and her boyfriend showed up. We had some coffee and chatted and they were on their way.

I had plans to meet up with a different friend and her daughter who is about 6 months older than little lady. We usually get together every Friday for a playdate and adult chat. I needed to make a run to the post office for stamps (We are already sending out invites to our Christmas party!) so I figured I would stop their quickly and head off to my friend's. We got in the car and pulled out of the garage. The car felt weird, but I was quickly on the gravel portion of my driveway and didn't notice to much. As soon as I got on the road I could tell something was very wrong. I stopped in the middle lane for a second to assess what to do. I did not want to drive it an inch further for fear of making a bad situation worse, but I also knew I could not leave my car in the middle of a semi busy road. I pulled a U turn and went back into my driveway. I made it half way up and stopped to see what was wrong.

 

I quickly realized my plans for the day would have to change. Thankfully my friend is flexible and just packed up and headed to our house.It sucks because I got all panicky feeling like I was just in a horrible car crash. I am sure I sounded devastated when I called the husband. 

I used to be the person (hell, even last week I was the person...) that would let something like this ruin my day. I would  have cancelled my plans and been a downer with little lady and eaten my misery away during her nap. However, I know there is nothing else I can do about it until hubby gets home so I enjoyed my time with my friend. Afterwards, I finished the bathrooms, and even better accomplished a workout I was dreading!

My 10k training has 2 cross training days per week. Usually we do some walking around on Sunday or walking to the library on Monday and that counts for the shorter day (about 30 minutes of activity) but there is one longer cross training day per week. I think in the beginning it was 45 minutes, but the last 3 or 4 weeks have a 60 minute cross training day. Up until now my longer cross training has been bike rides with my friend or long walks with another friend. This week it was to cold to really take a nice long walk and I was not sure what I would do. I had decided early on today that since little lady always takes more than an hour nap there was no excuse to not start up the treadmill and kill 60 minutes. I knew it would be boring and I was ok if I split up the time but I did 60 minutes of brisk walking on the treadmill. And it didn't kill me with boredom. I did watch 2 shows. I am proud of getting that out of the way. I wanted to run a portion of it but decided to save myself for tomorrow run.

Also, I almost forgot I ran in shorts yesterday! I bought some clearance running shorts a few weeks ago. I have always thought running shorts were cute but didn't think I could wear them. I decided that for $10 I could have a pair and wear them to work out in the house and see how they feel. It felt freeing, but I definitely had the shorts riding up and felt some chaffing. Next summer, I will be outside in running shorts.

So whiney...

I can't stop being so negative, but first let me shout out with excitement...

I just ran on the treadmill for the first time! It was awkward. Is it always awkward? Ours has a dial to increase speed instead of buttons. I had a hard time finding a comfortable pace but I was sweaty when I finished so I consider it a success.It will definitely help out with my short runs and is perfect for now since it is starting to get dark out much earlier.

Now that I got that out of my system, allow me to complain.
I hate how much of a struggle this whole weight loss thing is. I am glad that I finally feel "strong" again, but it feels like there is always something trying to get in my way. I love my husband and am so thankful for everything he does and sometimes he can be my biggest supporter. On the other hand sometimes he is my biggest obstacle. My weight loss this time is focused mostly on physical activity. Throughout the summer I could easily get my run done in the morning with little lady and it didn't affect hubs at all. However, now that the weather is changing and I am increasing my mileage it is getting harder and harder to get my runs in with little lady. I wish he understood just how challenging this is for me and could watch her just once without complaining or my favorite "hurry up." I know I sound awful for complaining about my husband and what he doesn't do for me when there is so much that he does for me.

I can climb out of this hole

So since my Friday night downfall I have not really been standing on my own two feet. I felt a heavy depression on me and I could not shake it, or eat my way out of it. I overate Friday night and managed to pull myself together again on Saturday (Go me!). However, I couldn't stay there. I lost it all again on Sunday and again on Monday. Tuesday I still felt the funk and pulled everything I had and managed to keep my eating in check. However, on Wednesday I couldn't fight the urge and fat Jill was in the house.

It really sucked on Wednesday  night. We had a planned date night to go to the restaurant that one of my best friends serves at. We had a great groupon deal for two drink, one appetizer, two entrees and one dessert included. I have heard such great things about the food at this restaurant and was really excited for this night. Originally I had figured I would order as best as I could but still order something I would enjoy and hopefully stop when I was full. On Wednesday I ate a reasonable breakfast and lunch, but still felt the funk. I was trying to be productive and look at the menu to make choices ahead of time. All that did was make me hungry and food crazy so I ended up snacking all afternoon and getting to the restaurant already stuffed. Although that didn't stop me from eating. We ordered the crab artichoke dip to share. It was good, but being so full I only had a few bites. We had the salad bar option with our entrees so I made a fatty salad - lettuce with cheese, bacon, olives and ranch. I did eat that whole things. I ordered breaded walleye with asparagus as my entree. I ate the asparagus and almost half of the fish. It was delicious but my stomach seriously felt like exploding. I ate more than I wanted to because I didn't want my friend to think that I didn't like it. (Never eat for someone else! I also doubt she would have cared.) For dessert the hubby picked creme brulee cheesecake. It was amazing but my stomach could not take more than 2 bites.I felt disgusted with myself and was so upset that I ruined a meal that I had been planning on enjoying for over 2 weeks.

The saddest part was when I got home and went to put my leftovers in the fridge I was sort of thinking about what else I could eat. So many times we would go out to eat and I always feel like I shouldn't be able to finish the huge portions so I eat part of it and then take the rest home and devour it as soon as we get home. I think my brain was going through that, but thankfully the fullness was enough for me.

Maybe that is what snapped me back to reality. I woke up today feeling refreshed for the first time all week. Not rested, I am tired but I feel in control of my eating again. I don't even know how to explain it. It is such a weird thing. Last week I was thinking about how on top of my eating I have been and how changed I am. Then all of a sudden this week hits. I hope that one day I understand what causes this feelings to change so drastically and that I learn how to control them or myself through them.

I have already decided to skip weigh in this week. I did weigh myself today though because I felt like it was the closure that I needed. Usually I overeat and then don't weigh myself for a few days and then continue to eat until I weigh myself and get back on track. I think part of me loves seeing such a big loss overnight (If I weigh myself the day after a binge and see a high number, I am guaranteed a few pounds lost quickly).

The good thing though is that I honestly feel 100% back to healthy Jill. For the past few days I have not really accomplished much during little lady's naps. I watched a documentary and a lot of trashy tv. I some how forgot about most of my chores and became uber lazy. Today I made a nice lunch, have plans to prep dinner soon and have completed the days chores. I am also hoping to do some strengthening because I have to get in 2 miles and strength today. I already used my rest day this week.

I spoke to soon

Yesterday did not end as planned. I ate. A lot. Although there are still donuts, coffee cake and chips that survived my attack. I threw out the remaining chips this morning, hubby took the donuts to work and I will survive with the coffee cake until hubs eats it or takes it to work tomorrow.

Today is a big challenge then. I have to get control back over my eating. I know I can do it. I get so frustrated though. I start to feel "cured" of my old eating habits and let a few things slide until I am shoveling food as fast as I can into my mouth.

I still want to accomplish 30 days of control over my eating. It will just start today instead. Just to make it clear I still can consider myself in control even if I go over in calories. If I go to a party or out to eat, I don't always count my calories. I still feel in control if I order something reasonable and drink reasonably. I also think it's ok if I occasionally have a small treat at a party. So there you have it, my "rules" for my challenge.

Weekend Recap

When I got home after my amazing run my mom and grandma were already here just waiting for me. I talked with them for a bit and then hoped in the shower and finally got dressed for the day, at 3pm. I decided to make some more homemade bread for them to have with dinner so I got that going while chatting with them. We talked for a bit and then they had to get going to church and I got going on making dinner for them. It was nice to be in control of the cooking so I know what I am eating, but it is so hard with my grandma around. As I mentioned before she always overcooks and we have a bunch of leftovers. I was just planning on making some pasta, roasting some squash and having bread. My grandma also brought corn that she wanted me to make and really wanted me to make stuffed squash (roasted acorn squash filled with stuffing. yum). Who can say no to their grandma?!? So, I obviously ended up cooking way to much food for dinner. I had a bite of everything and counted the calories. It was good and worth it.

This morning my mom and I took little lady back down for the last day of ArtPrize. (The main reason for this visit was that my mom wanted to see ArtPrize.) It was nice because we got down there fairly early and it wasn't to crowded. We walked around for over 2 hours so I am counting that as one of my cross-training days for this week.

We came home and grandma had of course cooked a huge feast for us. Thankfully, it was just chicken stir fry, but she made enough for everyone to have at least 3 servings. It was good, but it looks like we will be eating leftovers all week.

My grandma also has a sweet tooth so she brought some donuts and coffee cake. She must have crazy self control because she is always around this type of stuff and is not huge at all. Right now we have 3 huge peanut buttery donuts and 3/4 of a coffee cake sitting in the kitchen. I told myself I wasn't going to touch any of it, but I had 1/4 of a donut and a piece of  coffee cake. I counted the calories though and am fine. I just hope I can restrain myself. I hope the hubby doesn't mind taking it to work tomorrow. :)

I wanted to post about this yesterday, but didn't want to ruin my runners high from the amazing run. I overindulged again on Friday night. I think I was tired and didn't realize it in time to help myself. I did start out strong though. I had eaten dinner on Friday night and just didn't feel full. I wanted to snack and didn't let myself for awhile. I actually had some tea earlier than usual and that held me over for awhile. After another hour went by, I just still felt hungry. I decided that maybe I was just really hungry. I warmup up some leftovers from taco night and ate one taco. I felt a little better and was ok with that. Then all of a sudden I remembered the delicious chips from taco night. I had 2 servings and put them away. I was mad that I ate them, but happy I stopped with 2. However, the eating didn't stop there. A half hour later I still felt hungry and snacked for awhile. I went to bed shortly after that, pissed off at myself for not just skipping the snacks and going to sleep early. Oh well, this is real life.

On the positive side, I woke up Saturday and went right back on track. I didn't weigh myself because I knew there would obviously be a gain and I just didn't need to see it. (I did weigh in today and there is still a gain.) I used to let binges bring me down for days/weeks/months at a time. It is a huge success for me to let it only ruin a night. I think I am ready for the next step though. I would like to stay binge free for 30 days. They say 21 days to create a new habit so I say 30 days to make it stick. In 30 days it will be November 6th. I will be a new person by then, right? I would also be happy with just a whole week binge free. I seem to have one bad day every week. Not this week though.

Best run ever

Today I had 4.5 miles on the schedule. I thought about possibly waking up and running first thing, but hubby needed to be somewhere by 9:00. I could have made it if I really got moving early enough, but I really didn't want to rush it. I try to enjoy my long runs and take them as slow as I need to. I didn't want to spend the whole run worried about whether or not I would make it back on time for the hubby.

It worked for me to run just as little lady was having lunch. I rushed out and was really feeling it. It was perfect out. I did my warm up and then started running. I was listening to some music I loved in high school and it sort of helped me get lost in thought. Just as I was hitting the two mile mark I passed an older man (late 60s) and he put his hand out to high five. I thought it was awesome! I ran a quarter mile further and turned to head back. I couldn't believe how well I was feeling. On the way back I crossed paths again with the older man and exchanged another high five. For some reason this made my day!

As I was hitting the end of the 4.5 mile run I still felt amazing. I actually didn't want to stop. The road that connects my house to the trail has a few hills on it and since I am starting to hear that the 10k I will be running is quite hilly I decided to keep running until I got home and just cool down at home. I told myself that I could stop whenever I needed to but shocked myself at not needing to! I checked my route when I got home on mapmyrun and it looks like I ran 4.86 miles! Without stopping! In 57:30! That is less than 12 minute miles. I was so happy with myself. As much as I hate pushing little lady while running I do think it really helps me appreciate my solo runs.

I did manage to take one picture of my trail just as I got to it today. It is so pretty in person.

Friday figures

I did it! I did it! I did it! I am officially in the 160s. I have been dying to get here all summer, but obviously the lack of consistency didn't help me out. I don't care now though because I am here now!

I saw first saw the 160s on Wednesday morning and was so afraid it was a fluke or I would eat my weight in snacks before Friday and not get to share the good news. Thankfully I kept doing what I have been doing and stayed in the 160s for three day now. This is especially impressive for me because I have slowly been allowing foods into the house that can be tempting for me.The husband has been taking lunches to work again and I have a hard time resisting little packages of cupcakes. I am happy to report the whole box (minus one from last week's binge day) made it in his lunches. I even have a box of mini muffins for his lunch that aren't even open. They have been in there since Tuesday- new record for me!

Last night we had taco night and I bought a bag of tortilla chips at the store. I normally don't buy any chips when I am trying to lose weight because I can seriously inhale an entire bag of chips in one sitting. We opened them at dinner and I got by with two small handfuls. (I tried for just one handful, but couldn't resist that second.) I was worried those chips would show up on today's weigh in, but I wanted them and managed to control myself. There is still more than half a bag in our cupboard and I don't feel tempted. (Chips, please do not hear me bragging about my lack of attraction to you and start calling to me.)It feels really good to know I could survive and enjoy a delicious dinner without going overboard.

Rising and falling

So along with what seems to be everyone else, I love fall! It is absolutely beautiful here. A friend and I had been waiting for the leaves to changes so we could do a fall bike ride and enjoy the leaves. Today was finally the day. We met for breakfast and then headed off to a trail that she has ridden a few times with her boyfriend. I don't usually ride trails other than the one near my house because it is such a pain to fold up little lady's bike trailer, put the bike rack on my car and load my bike up. The husband helped me put the bike rack on so I can't really complain to much. I managed to fold up and load the trailer and my bike without to much difficulty. I was excited for this trail, she had told me it was a little hilly. I don't get to ride hills much because my trail is part of the rails to trails program so it is pretty flat. I only ride up one hill on the road to my house. This trail definitely had some hills! I feel pretty used to pulling little lady but she felt like a ton of bricks today. My bike seemed off too. I don't know if it needed to be oiled or it just had a hard time shifting gears with so much weight pulling back on it. We survived though and it felt like a really good workout.

It's sort of funny, the friend that I rode with used to be a drinking buddy. We would go out to the bar after work and share some food and drinks. It's so funny to me that now we do fitness fun days and talk about our health. I feel like it is a friendship that has grown with me and it's weird to see where we are now.

I also had a 2 mile run on the schedule today. I was driving home around lunch/nap time and was trying to come up with a plan for the run. Little lady had fallen asleep on the bike ride for about a half hour. Whenever she does that she will fight her afternoon nap (which is usually a 2-3 hour nap) so I quickly decided to just run when I got home and then get her ready for her nap. It worked out perfectly but I could feel that bike ride in my legs. My run took me just over 25 minutes, but I did it and am on track this week. 4.5 miles here I come!

I did take a fall picture of the beautiful tree in front of our house.The colors right now are amazing and I am hoping to snap a few pictures of the trail when I run this Saturday.

I love this tree!

I was also successful in my first bread making adventure (hence the rising). The bread was delicious and I got to make hubby some sandwiches for lunch on homemade bread. I am hoping he liked it.

You had to roll the dough out and then roll it together. This is it before rising.

Here it is all baked up. I didn't get a risen picture before baking.

I am enjoying my time in the kitchen and actually using self control around all these yummy homemade treats. I am amazed at my new ability. I can guarantee that not to long ago I would have inhaled that whole loaf of bread. Last night I had one slice with dinner and then sliced up the left over bread and put it in the freezer for future sandwiches. I hope this new self control stays awhile.