So since my Friday night downfall I have not really been standing on my own two feet. I felt a heavy depression on me and I could not shake it, or eat my way out of it. I overate Friday night and managed to pull myself together again on Saturday (Go me!). However, I couldn't stay there. I lost it all again on Sunday and again on Monday. Tuesday I still felt the funk and pulled everything I had and managed to keep my eating in check. However, on Wednesday I couldn't fight the urge and fat Jill was in the house.
It really sucked on Wednesday night. We had a planned date night to go to the restaurant that one of my best friends serves at. We had a great groupon deal for two drink, one appetizer, two entrees and one dessert included. I have heard such great things about the food at this restaurant and was really excited for this night. Originally I had figured I would order as best as I could but still order something I would enjoy and hopefully stop when I was full. On Wednesday I ate a reasonable breakfast and lunch, but still felt the funk. I was trying to be productive and look at the menu to make choices ahead of time. All that did was make me hungry and food crazy so I ended up snacking all afternoon and getting to the restaurant already stuffed. Although that didn't stop me from eating. We ordered the crab artichoke dip to share. It was good, but being so full I only had a few bites. We had the salad bar option with our entrees so I made a fatty salad - lettuce with cheese, bacon, olives and ranch. I did eat that whole things. I ordered breaded walleye with asparagus as my entree. I ate the asparagus and almost half of the fish. It was delicious but my stomach seriously felt like exploding. I ate more than I wanted to because I didn't want my friend to think that I didn't like it. (Never eat for someone else! I also doubt she would have cared.) For dessert the hubby picked creme brulee cheesecake. It was amazing but my stomach could not take more than 2 bites.I felt disgusted with myself and was so upset that I ruined a meal that I had been planning on enjoying for over 2 weeks.
The saddest part was when I got home and went to put my leftovers in the fridge I was sort of thinking about what else I could eat. So many times we would go out to eat and I always feel like I shouldn't be able to finish the huge portions so I eat part of it and then take the rest home and devour it as soon as we get home. I think my brain was going through that, but thankfully the fullness was enough for me.
Maybe that is what snapped me back to reality. I woke up today feeling refreshed for the first time all week. Not rested, I am tired but I feel in control of my eating again. I don't even know how to explain it. It is such a weird thing. Last week I was thinking about how on top of my eating I have been and how changed I am. Then all of a sudden this week hits. I hope that one day I understand what causes this feelings to change so drastically and that I learn how to control them or myself through them.
I have already decided to skip weigh in this week. I did weigh myself today though because I felt like it was the closure that I needed. Usually I overeat and then don't weigh myself for a few days and then continue to eat until I weigh myself and get back on track. I think part of me loves seeing such a big loss overnight (If I weigh myself the day after a binge and see a high number, I am guaranteed a few pounds lost quickly).
The good thing though is that I honestly feel 100% back to healthy Jill. For the past few days I have not really accomplished much during little lady's naps. I watched a documentary and a lot of trashy tv. I some how forgot about most of my chores and became uber lazy. Today I made a nice lunch, have plans to prep dinner soon and have completed the days chores. I am also hoping to do some strengthening because I have to get in 2 miles and strength today. I already used my rest day this week.
No comments:
Post a Comment