I know, I know

It's been awhile. I have obviously lost some focus. I spent last week trying to relax and figure out why I can't stay motivated. I failed my healthy eating most days and only worked out one day. I think the main thing that was keeping me focused previously was my training schedule. I managed to follow that thing every single day. I did not always make the best eating choices, but I always did what the schedule said. With that in mind I decided to check out Hal Higdon's 5k training schedule. I didn't use his 5k training for my first 5ks, but I did use it and enjoyed it for my 10k. I thought I would be ok to just run on my own and follow my made up schedule, but if wasn't working. When I see it on the actual schedule I think, "well, Hal Higdon thinks I can run 3 miles today..." It is way more motivating than, "I think I can probably run faster today..." So I am excited for it. It's just something to keep me moving until the December 5k.

I am feeling confident again in my abilities to lose weight. I am slightly disappointed in myself since this is the last week of a weight loss competition that I signed up for and I have not given it my all. I think I am just not motivated by competition. I seem to have the opposite mindset. When I have a bad day, I go straight to, "Oh well, I guess I won't win the competition so I might as well eat ALL the food in the house." I am trying to forget about the competition for this last week and just focus on being healthy. I think it triggers something in my head that freaks out about a deadline and not making it. I am just trying to enjoy this journey, however long it takes me.

I did weigh in on Friday. I did not take a picture because I was so upset, but I saw 168.2. I was glad it wasn't back in the 170s but I was still disappointed that I gained. I knew that I would, but it sucked to see. I actually was surprised that I gained less than 1 pound.

Since we changed the clocks for daylight savings time, I have been exhausted. Little lady is not adjusting well and has been waking up at 5:30 most days. I can not function getting up that early. I think part of my lacking motivation is the fact that I am just so effing tired all day every day. (I can't seem to fall asleep for naps.) My mom had mentioned visiting this week because she had 5days off in a row. She started hinting that she would come if we needed a babysitter. I don't know if she didn't want to impose or if she wasn't sure she wanted to make the drive over. We don't need a night out since we partied it up pretty hard this past weekend (a topic for another post) so I had told her she was welcome to visit but we had no plans. This morning as my alarm clock little lady cried out at 5:30 I realized that maybe my mom wants some quality morning time with her granddaughter. I called her at 8am and hammered out the details. On Wednesday I am sleeping until after 7am. I can't wait!

oops I did it again

I seem to be binging more frequently than I have all year long. I was really proud of myself this weekend because I kept everything in line. I enjoyed wine with the hubby and took in the appropriate amount of calories for me, wine included. On Sunday we had planned on having our friends over for possibly the last bonfire of the year. We really just had a lot of wood from the renovation project and wanted to get rid of it. Thankfully, we have some amazing friends that will sit in our yard with us freezing and drink and enjoy each others company. I had saved some calories to enjoy a bit more wine with them, and it almost worked out. After they left though, the kitchen called to me and I just could not leave. I ate probably more in those ten minutes than I did all day. The hubby had to step in and save me. I thought he had fallen asleep so I snuck into the kitchen to get one last treat and he noticed. I totally finished that last treat, but if he hadn't said anything I am betting I would have found more food.

Since we stayed up way to late on Sunday and no one has told little lady that the time has changed. I didn't get much sleep Sunday night. I was super exhausted on Monday morning, but had high hopes for me. I survived the morning, but I couldn't conquer the afternoon. Little lady had fallen asleep for a few minutes in the car so she then refused her afternoon nap. I had planned on painting the trim for the renovation while she slept but couldn't start until she went to sleep. She didn't sleep, I didn't paint, I couldn't nap...I could eat though. I wouldn't call it a binge, but I did eat a large lunch and then sort of grazed all day long. I woke up today feeling gross. It is a new day though and so far so good.

I have figured out a running plan for the next month. I will be running a 5k with my friend on December 16 so I have a few weeks to maintain my running. I looked at a few training plans but decided to come up with something that sounded fun and would work for me.

Monday: 1 mile as fast as possible
Tuesday: cross training
Wednesday: 3 mile run
Thursday: 2 mile speed work
Friday: rest
Saturday: long run
Sunday: stretch

I want to work on my speed a bit but also continue to be able to run long distance (over 4 miles). I tried to do 1 mile fast yesterday, but was not successful. I ended up doing one minute fast, then one minute of walking until I hit one mile. It was much harder than I was expecting. I think this will work for me over the next month since it seems easy, but will actually be challenging to me. I wanted to quit during the entire run yesterday which is good because then I felt awesome when I was done.

Little bit of everything

It's weird how out of touch your mind can be with body while losing weight. Some days I look at clothes and think, there is no way I can fit in that! Other times the opposite occurs. I will get to the mind games in just a moment.

A little background:
As I may have mentioned, the husband has been working on some home renovations. There is a little room off the kitchen (maybe 8'X10') that has always driven us nuts. When we moved in it was more like an L shaped room and the missing square of the floor was an open space to an old Michigan basement staircase. The previous owners had a long shelf in the room and that was it. The hubby put doors on the room to keep us safe from falling down the crazy staircase, but other than that the room has been mostly wasted space. We put some junk on the shelf and we put tubs on the floor for recycling. We had talked about turning the room into a pantry area and creating much more storage space.

The hubby decided now was the time. He wanted to gut the room and start over. (This would give him some practice for the kitchen renovation that we REALLY want, which may be this spring.) He has done a great job with the renovation. He ripped up the staircase and created floor to have a rectangular room instead of an L shaped room. He created a new staircase(out of the old boards-even better!), ripped up the flooring, pulled off the ceiling tiles (finding drywall underneath that just had to be touched up) and fixed all the little things that the previous owners worked around. This weekend he finally got it to the point of painting. The only renovating that I can do better than him is painting so I am the house painter. We really wanted to get the painting and flooring done this weekend since we are booked almost straight through until Christmas.

So Saturday night I had to prime the room. As little lady's bedtime approached I started to get things together to paint. I started to worry about what I would wear to paint. (I can paint, but am totally a disaster and paint does get everywhere.) The last time I painted was probably during my pregnancy (windows were open and I had doctors permission). I remember my painting outfit being a bit snug. I had a mini panic attack that I wouldn't be able to fit into the painting outfit. Then, I remembered that I have actually lost a considerable amount of weight and might be to small for my painting outfit. I went to my closet to find my paint covered clothes. I looked at the jeans and they were a size 14; for some reason this made me panic again. I still have 12s that are not comfortable so I worried that these wouldn't fit. I put on the outfit and was pleasantly surprised by the bagginess of the outfit. It was just such an odd mental battle going on for those few minutes.

old paint clothes. thankfully baggy

On another jean related issue. I was looking through my closet at my jean supply. It used to have a lot of jeans in various sizes that mostly didn't fit me. I have been setting a few on the side that I think will fit next. I noticed there aren't many jeans waiting to fit. I actually only have two pairs waiting to be 'next.' (Plus one pair of tight size 12 thrifted Calvin Kleins)The previously mentioned thrifted seven for all mankind and a brand new pair of Old Navy size 10 jeans.

Let me back up again to explain why I would have Old Navy jeans after my previous post mentioning the article about Old Navy and Gap making gateway mom jeans. These were actually bought years ago and I had forgotten about them. When I was losing weight before my wedding I was convinced that I would do Weight Watchers forever and that I could continue to lose weight. At Christmas 2007 I was wearing the pants that I am wearing today, a pair of Old Navy size 12 jeans. I asked my mom to get me the exact same pair in a size 10 because I thought I would fit them soon. I tried them on Christmas morning and I could not get into them. They have sat in a box since then. Yesterday I tried them on and although they do not fit yet I think it would be awesome to wear them this year for Christmas. I am not going to panic to much about it, but it would be fun to show them to my mom this year.

Back at it

Today was my first actual run since the 10k. I decided to make it a longer run because I really want to keep my endurance up. I decided to just run for awhile, but hadn't set an exact distance to aim for. I just want to run for fun before I start training for my next event. I learned one thing on today's run: the small runs during the week are actually important! Who knew? So, yeah, I struggled on today's run.

It was in the 30s when I headed out to run so I decided to try out my winter running tights. I felt pretty goofy. I wore the running tights, a pair of running shorts over them, a long sleeve shirt and my 10k race tee over the long sleeves. I asked the husband if I looked a bit to ridiculous. (I may have been hoping he would say that I looked ridiculous so I could just stay home.) He said quite possibly the best thing I have ever heard come out of his mouth..."You look like a runner." How could I not run after hearing that? I headed out.

looking like a runner?

It was cold, but I felt comfortable in my new running gear. My running tights were a bit tight on my butt and waist so I was thankful for the running shorts because they seemed to hide some of the issues I was having. The running shorts did ride up throughout most/all of the run but I didn't really care and couldn't feel it so oh well. I ended up running about 5 miles. Once I was on the trail I was planning on just running a 4 mile run but at the turn around point there were people and since I am so awkward I just couldn't turn around in front of them. (Thank you awkwardness!) I am not positive on how far I ran since I am not keeping count right now, but I believe it was around 5 miles. I finished at 57:00. I felt good.

I want to make myself a training schedule for the winter months. I need to keep running and not lose all of the work that I have put into this. I am thinking of combining a little from Hal Higdon's winter training schedule and his intermediate 5k schedule since I may be running a 5k in mid December. I am also toying with the idea of running a half marathon in April which would make half marathon training start in mid January. How exciting!

I am researching the different Garmin forerunners as well this weekend. I have wanted one since I started running and found out that these things exist. I wanted to be sure that I was hooked on running before trying to invest in one and I feel that running is sticking! I have been mentioning it to the hubby as a possible Christmas gift for pretty much the whole time too. It is looking hopeful. We don't usually spend much on gifts for each other, but he is willing to make an exception for me. How sweet. (Although he also has his eyes on some expensive new tools.)

I also had a small victory last night. The Halloween candy was calling me. I ignored it all day and then for some reason I started to give in. Thankfully little lady was awake and loves candy so I couldn't really just sit in front of her and eat all of her candy. That just didn't seem nice. I gave her one piece and then took one tootsie roll. I used my candy corn trick, tootsie rolls are not my favorite so again I felt like I could have one and stop at one. It worked! I felt like I had eaten candy and didn't want anymore. I am sure I would have enjoyed a delicious chocolate bar more but I can't seem to have just one. I will admit that after little lady went to bed the chocolate continued to taunt me. I even held it in my hands twice. I won though, all of the chocolate is still there!

Sorry this post is all over the place. I have a lot of thought running through my head and am feeling super positive today. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Friday figures

I woke up overly excited to step on the scale. Embarrassing side note: I even dreamed about it. In my dream I weighed 162.4. Which would be nice but not really possible this morning. Since last week I weigh 169.7 I was really hoping to not see the 70s. I stepped on the scale and bam!

167.4! That felt good! I don't know why I was so nervous. I ate good on Friday and most of Saturday. Saturday night we went to a party and I overdid it and stayed off track on Sunday and Monday. I got my act together Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It paid off and I am feeling great! I am back in the game!

My goal for this week is to stay on track AND not touch the scale until next Friday.

Update: As I was getting dressed this morning I came across a dilemma, I had clean laundry for hubby and little lady, but my laundry was far overdue. The jeans that I have been wearing were a bit sticky from Halloween night and I was meeting with the MOMS club. I try to look nice if I have somewhere to be, although if I had to wear sticky pants a MOMS club meeting would be the place. They would understand. I decided that since I am at my new low weight I should try on my jean pile and see where I am at. I had three pairs that I thought would fit me soon. One was a thrifted size 12 Calvin Klein jeans, they buttoned today but were really tight (large muffin top tight) and short. Another was a pair of thrifted jeans- 11/12 Aeropostale and they fit a little better. They were a bit tight, but I actually set them aside to be washed and put in the wearable area. That was exciting for me!

The big event though was "the jeans." I believe I have mentioned the jeans that I have been dying to wear. I bought them the weekend of my bachelorette party and remember being so excited for them. This was the first pair of jeans that I bought with friends at a cute/hip store at the mall. I was ecstatic when I bought them and felt great. I wore them for awhile until they just didn't fit. I have held onto them in hopes that one day I would fit into them again. I remember at the beginning of this weight loss journey I went through my closet and tried on clothes that fit me at my smallest. I was so depressed seeing tiny shirts that couldn't hold my large arms and cute jeans that would not fit. I remember this specific pair of jeans seemed so small. I couldn't even fit my leg into them. I had tried them on a few weeks ago and got them buttoned but they were not public ready. In today's desperation, I tried them on. They fit!

Little lady just can't resist a picture! The jeans! Not to big of a muffin top.

Now I must add that they don't fit like they used to and I don't know that they will be a favorite. They are still a little tight, but not bad at all. I know they will not be tight for much longer, but the problem I have is the length. Whoa, are these jeans long! I don't think my height has changed much over the years, but these jeans suggest otherwise. I am guessing that I wore them with heels so that could be the problem. Perhaps they will get added in to the date night/girls night out jeans. I am still over the moon that they fit. I am feeling great today!

Daily Double

Yikes, two posts in one day! I am actually feeling really positive about my health right now AND had some free time so I thought I would use this time to my advantage. I normally blog during little lady's nap and usually feel rushed because either I have other chores I still have to get done before she wakes up or else I know that at any moment she could wake up. She is currently in bed for the night and hubby has been working on some home renovation so I thought I would share some thoughts.

I have spent the last few days activity trying to get my mindset back into healthy living. One of the things that really helps me is to read other weight loss blogs. I get so excited when I find a new one that seems interesting to me and (nerd alert) I will go to the beginning of the blog and read through each entry. It's like instant gratification! I can watch/read someone's huge weight loss progress within a few days. It can be so motivating and comforting! It is also the main reason that I started this blog, so that maybe one day someone will read this and find some type of inspiration.

This week I have found a few new to me blogs and read through some of them. I wish I could remember which blog I read this in (if you know, please let me know and I will give credit/thank the author) but the woman was talking about how or why this time was different than other weight loss attempts. She felt that her weight loss was different this time around because there was no time limit attached to it. I kept thinking about that all week. That made so much sense to me! I really, truly feel that this is the time I make it to my goal. I think it is different because last time(the only time) I successfully lost a large amount of weight was for my wedding. I remember constantly looking at my weigh-ins and thinking either, "yay, I am on track to be at goal by my wedding" or "well, if I keep this up I won't make it to goal for the wedding." While I was actually losing things were good, but I would go completely off track if I had an off week. It was like my mind figured that if I couldn't be at my goal for the wedding, then why stay on track. I mean who wants to weigh 150 at their wedding when they could weigh 145? Obviously not worth my time...so instead I let myself hang on at 160, lame. Once the day passed, I couldn't stay in the weight loss mindset and went back to old habits.

This time I have no deadline. I don't even focus on when I could be at goal. Occasionally I do dream of when it could happen, but I don't really focus on how long. Which is probably a really good thing since I am taking it so slow this time. I averaged 10 pounds/month on Weight Watchers with my first weight loss. This time around I have only lost about 30 pounds in just short of 8 months. But...I lost 30 pounds!!! If I lose 30 more pounds over the next year, I will be at goal.

Trick or treat

We survived Halloween! I even did fairly well with my eating. I ate well throughout the day and had a light but filling dinner before heading out. Since we live on a main road and people don't trick or treat on it, the neighbors behind us invited us over to pass out candy with them. (They live on a court in a subdivision.) They told us they would have food, drinks, and jello shots. We decided that instead of just cutting through the yard to them we would trick or treat with little lady down the street to their house. It worked out perfectly. We stopped at about ten houses and then arrived at our neighbors to pass out candy.

The first house little lady went to! She was so cute. (Also, I love the neighbors in the background.)

I had brought two bags of candy to pass out and was hoping we wouldn't have to bring any home (which we did not, other than what little lady collected- another reason that ten houses were enough). The neighbors had chili, soup, pigs in a blanket, snacks and jello shots. I had a few jello shots and then stuck to the wine that I brought. I don't drink wine super fast so it seemed safe for me. I did eat about ten pieces of candy corn and 2 little pretzels. I felt good about that. I did not touch the delicious chocolate candy because one piece always leads to more. I felt successful at Halloween. I also have not touched little lady's candy. I am hoping the hubby will eat it up otherwise I will throw it out. (I would donate, but there really isn't that much there.)

I am feeling a bit more in control again and am thankful for that. I really think focusing on my lunch has helped me. Tomorrow I will weigh in. I am nervous and excited. I actually have not been on the scale since Friday. Wow! That is a record for me. I am actually just hoping for a maintain since I was off track as many days as I was on track. I think I would like to try to just step on the scale once a week. I feel obsessive and it really affects my mood. I usually end up eating more though because I know I won't have to face the numbers. It if could keep my eating in check and just weigh in on weigh in day though, I think it would be more exciting for me. Perhaps this will be my week.