Spring is such a tease!

Yesterday was 40 degrees AND sunny! Little lady and I were out running errands and by the afternoon I wanted to take my winter coat off and soak up the sun. I immediately sent the hubby a message asking if I could run outside when he got home from work as long as he didn't pick up over time. I was so excited when he agreed and didn't think there would be overtime.

He came home and I was all dressed for an outdoor run. It felt great and my time wasn't to bad. I averaged an 11 minute mile for 4 miles. My first 3 miles were faster than an 11 minute mile, but my last mile is uphill and was 11:30 minute mile. I felt great and was proud of my time.

The bright sun had actually melted the snow covering the trail. This is just one day after my previous picture of this trail (snow covered).

It felt so good to finish and feel accomplished. I realized the treadmill is not for me. I really don't feel awesome when I am done on the treadmill. I am just glad that it's over and I think about quitting about every 0.1 mile. Recently I have been thinking that maybe the half marathon would be to much for me and I was worried that I got myself in to deep. The treadmill makes me slower and not as happy. These past two runs outside have made me remember that happy feeling from running. (Not exactly runner's high on both of these runs, just the "I am done running and now feel awesome!") I feel like a half marathon will be totally doable again!

I will still have to use the treadmill a bit, but I am going to try really hard to get my long run and the longer run of the weekdays done outside. Once spring is actually here and temps are above 50, I can push little lady in the jogging stroller again. I am excited for that too. I loved her being a part of my running experience too. I felt like a positive example for her. (Although, I also really like my runs alone.)

Today I am actually taking my rest day from Sunday. I haven't had a rest day in a week. I am proud of that, but actually felt a bit sore today. I am happy to rest. I also noticed that I felt starving today. I ate breakfast an hour earlier because I was just so hungry. I still felt a little hungry after eating breakfast but if I eat to much in the morning, I lose all control. We went out to little lady's "school" and when we got home I scarfed down lunch with her. I had planned on eating lighter today since I wasn't working out, but I haven't eaten any "extra" calories from any of the past few workouts. (I have eaten at the high range of the day though.) I plugged in everything I planned on eating for my meals for the day and was still almost 300 calories under the minimum for the day. I decided to have lunch part 2 while little lady was napping. I made a sandwich (which I have been craving- I used to have one every day for lunch and I don't think I have since last summer.) and it was delicious. I still felt like eating more, but I drank a few glasses of water and got working on the house. I still feel slightly hungry, but I don't want to turn it into a binge. I am thinking I will need something else before dinner so fruit will be my friend today.

Well, I need to go finish cleaning up this house. My brother and his family should be here tomorrow and I can't wait to see them. We are expecting some serious snow though and I am hoping that somehow things will still work out.

Another first (sort of)

I finally did my first half marathon training run outside! It felt so good to be out there! But more about that in a minute.

This morning was a little out of sorts. Due to unexpected circumstances, we were all dressed and in the car by 7 am. Since we were already up and out we decided to go out for Sunday breakfast. I hate panicking whenever the hubby suggests going out to eat so I am trying to really focus on self control while dining out.

My favorite restaurant wasn't open until 8 (probably a good thing since it's much harder to use control on amazing food) so we decided to just go to a little diner type place in our small town. It's not the best breakfast, but I was really just going to enjoy my two favorite people.

We got there and I looked over the menu. They didn't have anything to special, just the usual omelettes, eggs, pancakes... I was thinking of getting an egg white omelette with just veggies but I really wanted a side of potatoes. I thought about getting them as well and just having a few bites. Then, I realized I didn't want the omelette at all. I was just getting it because it seemed like a good choice. I thought that if I wanted potatoes, I should get something with potatoes. I found a skillet with potatoes topped with veggies and cheese. I ordered it without the cheese and only ate half of it. To be fair, it was not delicious (I think all/most of the veggies were canned) but the potatoes hit the spot. I felt good about my choice and was surprised that I felt full. I realized that if I hadn't stop to drink coffee and focus on if I wanted more, I would have totally finished the meal. It was a good reminder for me to stop while eating and focus on how I am actually feeling.

We came home and I tracked everything I ate. It wasn't to bad. I guesstimated about 600 calories. Definitely more than I usually spend on breakfast, but it was nice to have a Sunday morning out to breakfast with just my little family. I planned out the rest of my meals today and can totally make it work into my calories.

I was thinking after last Sunday's disaster of a breakfast out, I needed to make sure to stay on track before I veer off course for another week. I figured a run should happen. My schedule has Sunday as a rest day and Monday-Wednesday 3-5 mile runs. I thought that since my legs felt good I would just do Monday's run today and then run again on Monday(unless my legs say no) and Wednesday. (I want to run on those days because I am meeting up with a friend on Monday, which usually involves food of some sorts and my brother is coming to town on Wednesday, which usually includes some drinking. I want some extra calories on those days.)

I decided that I would get ready to run before I changed my mind. I looked outside and it wasn't snowing at the moment, so I checked the weather. It was low 30s and a 30% chance of snow. I decided that I would head outside for a run. I just planned on doing 3 miles and told the hubby that if it was awful I would just do 1 mile outside and finish up at home on the treadmill.

Oh wow, was I glad I went outside. It felt so good to be out there running. Can I also say how much I love our trail?!? It was packed down from other runners and bikers. It made me feel connected in some way to the other local people that feel it necessary to get out in the snow and run. I even passed another runner out there at one point. It feels good to feel involved in some way in the active community. Plus, the snow can be beautiful and it was really peaceful to be out there.

snow covered trail

snow peaking out as I finish up my run

I am thinking my next long run (7 miles) may just be done outside in the snow! I actually regretted not gearing up and heading out yesterday.

Friday Figures (one day late)

This past week was rough. I hate feeling like I am not in control of my moods. I feel like I should be strong enough to remind myself that I don't want to eat an entire box of crackers, but sometimes the mind wins. I guess it's just a reminder that even though I am feeling in control today, tomorrow is a new day and I need to be prepared. I am still learning ways to handle binge urges. I have a book to read and a crochet project in the works so hopefully that will keep my hands busy and refraining from shoving snacks in my mouth.

Since the previous Friday, I only stayed on tracked 3 days. For 4 days (Sunday - Tuesday and again Thursday) I was completely out of control. I would eat lunch and then find a few other lunch options to snack on. It was disgusting and I felt awful. I hate knowing that what I am doing is hurting me and not being able to stop. I thought I was back in control Wednesday, but at the same time I still felt "off." I managed to track and stay in the correct caloric range, even with going out for dinner and drinks but unfortunately I lost it again on Thursday.

I really thought about not weighing in on Friday morning because when I binge I can easily gain 5-10 pounds. I thought about giving myself a few days and then weighing in, but I think I knew that I needed to face the number to actually see the damage I had done. (Plus, it can snap me out of it when I see how much I have gained.) I stepped on and was completely devastated to see 170.3 lbs. I wasn't going to post it here, but I felt like I needed to be able to look back on it and remember how much damage I can do in such little time.

I stayed on track all day Friday and finally felt out of my funk. I did my cross training and ate properly. Out of curiosity I stepped on the scale this morning(after only one day) and am already back to 165.5 lbs. I am going to use the 165 on my "Weigh in" page since I feel like that number more accurately reflects on the weight that I actually gained. The 170 was probably a lot of water/bloat.

I am actually proud of even posting the gain at all. I have a horrible habit of not really acknowledging my gains. I avoid the scale when I know that I am gaining and then when I do step on, I don't track it anywhere. I usually refuse to post or track (on sparkpeople) a new weight unless it is less than the previous weight. This is foolish on so many levels. It happened and I think it will help me to just own up to it and move on. Plus, next week's loss will feel even better!

Onto happier news: As mentioned all last summer, hubby and I love camping. We would camp every weekend if we could. Little lady has been camping since she was 5 months old. We always brought her a pack-n-play to sleep in, but this year we think she is ready for a sleeping bag (She will be 2 in April). On Friday, she spotted a princess sleeping bag while I casually walked up through a camping supply aisle. She loved it and just had to have it. :) The hubby thought it was a good idea so we brought it home and talked up camping. We decided to have a family camp out in the living room last night. It was awesome! Little lady has never really been a cuddler. She has always slept in her own bed. Occasionally we have thought it would be so cute to sleep next to her and we try to get her to sleep in our bed, but she gets so excited to be near us that no one sleeps until she goes up to her bed. I am happy to say that she fell asleep rather quickly in her sleeping bag between mommy and daddy. I loved waking up and seeing her cute face. I am extra excited for camping now! Our first trip is already planned for Memorial Day weekend! (P.s. It will be another biking trip!)

This morning, after a nice night on the floor, I had a scheduled 6 mile run. After the mood I was in all week, I tried convincing myself that no matter what I would run outside. I woke up to see 4 fresh inches of snow and a steady snow falling. Plus, my fleece was dirty. I reluctantly set up the treadmill and let daddy and little lady have some fun. I did it and it wasn't as bad as every run I did this week. My mind was in such a bad place that even running at all was a huge chore. Usually running for me is always challenging, but in a good way. I almost always feel amazing when I am done, but this week I still felt shitty even after my runs. I was glad that although 6 miles on the treadmill felt torturous, it was also amazing to know that I did it! I feel in control again and I couldn't be happier!

Willpower, where are you?

I feel like I need to just get this off my chest before I let it linger here forever. Since my last post I have basically had an "I've fallen and I can't get up" moment.

On Saturday, I woke up and did my long run of 5 miles. I felt really nauseous and out of it afterwards. I pushed myself and got ready for my mom's visit. I don't know why I struggle so much with my eating when she is around, and this trip was no different. We survived lunch and then headed up to the store to get things for dinner. I was thinking about getting some pumpkin ravioli but the hubby had mentioned his recipe for homemade pizza. Since she was in town for her birthday, I let her choose. She chose pizza.

Thankfully I knew this early enough in the day and I had run so I could count the calories and be fine. I did that and handled it well. I felt good but was nervous for Sunday.

There is this amazing Sunday brunch buffet near our house. It is expensive, but really nice and my mom loves it. We were taking her there for her birthday and I was feeling anxious about it. They have sushi, cheese, side salads, pancakes, French toast, omelette station and an entire section of beautiful (and tasty) desserts. I knew I would count everything but I didn't want to go overboard.

I actually felt good with my decisions. I had a lot of fruit and sushi and then tasted little things here and there. I picked out one dessert and then had a bite of little lady's. I didn't think I did to bad, but when I got home and counted it, it was close to 1000 calories.

That would have been fine, but little lady had woken up early Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I swear I need a ridiculous amount of sleep to function well. As soon as I am even slightly tired my mind convinces me that eating will help or at least it wants food and it doesn't say no. I could feel some type of craziness coming on. I thought about getting a workout in to try to off set some of the calories, but thought it would be better to take a nap. Once little lady was napping, I laid down. I should mention here that I am the worst napper. Everything distracts me and my mind just races. Needless to say, I did not fall asleep. So here is where things get embarrassing.

I came out of the bedroom more tired and cranky than I was. There were all sorts of snacks and treats leftover from the weekend. I forgot my willpower and let go. I ate cake, ice cream, crackers and anything else I could get my hands on. And lots of it.

I went to bed defeated and I wished it stopped there. I woke up super cranky on Monday. Little lady woke up early again and I could feel something was off. I was struggling to get us ready for the day. We were supposed to meet some moms up at the library for a play date. I dragged so much all morning that I decided by the time we got there it wouldn't be worth it. We had a very unproductive morning. While little lady took her nap I did manage to get my scheduled 3 mile run in. Then things slipped. I wanted to finish watching an episode of Teen Mom (secret, embarrassing guilty pleasure) and for some reason I thought I needed a snack to do so. My mom had bought some low calorie popcorn so I measured out 2 cups and sat down. This was the moment that I let Monday go. I decided to just finish the bag of popcorn and from there it didn't get better. I believe I made myself some chicken nuggets for lunch, finished the ice cream, and found all sorts of things to snack on the entire nap time. To top it off, I requested that the hubby make pizza for dinner! What happened?

I woke up on Tuesday still tired, but wanting to put up a fight. I thought if we could just make it out of the house, I would survive. I had an appointment at David's Bridal for my bridesmaid dress for my best friend's wedding so we had plans. Just as I was about to get dressed, the hubby sent me a message that they were stuck at the shop all day because the roads were just ice. They would only be allowed to go to a job if it was an emergency situation. I decided my dress ordering was not an emergency situation and canceled our plans. I survived until lunch. While little lady ate her lunch I ate a kids Clif bar to give me some energy for my scheduled 4 mile run. Little lady fell asleep and I decided that I would just rather eat lunch and run in the evening. I convinced myself that it would be better that way. I ate a nice salad for lunch. Oh how I wish I stopped there. I found some crackers and peanut butter in the house, made some pasta, and finished it off with a PB sandwich. Seriously, I turned my run into a 4 course lunch with snacks. Awesome. In case you can't see where the day ends, it doesn't end in a run.

I spent the evening feeling bad about myself. I was convincing myself that I had eaten enough over the past 3/4 days to undo all of my hard work. I know that is not completely true. I may have undone a week or two worth of hard work, but I am not 200 pounds again. I can also try to learn something from this. I have to be able to make mistakes, pick myself up, and continue to work on my habits. I will continue to face each day as a new start and let it go. Everyone makes mistakes. I made a few days of mistakes, but I can fix it.

After little lady went to bed, I made a short list of why it is worth it to continue trying. I felt a bit better after writing that and I decided that I really struggle when sleep is compromised. I decided that if little lady was going to wake up earlier, then I needed to go to bed earlier. I think hubby thought I lost it, but at 9:30 I tucked myself into bed and at 10 it was lights out.

Today little lady was back to her regular "waking time." I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. I was still nervous that I would not stay on track and I felt that it was super important to get out of the house this morning. I ate a light breakfast, got us dressed and loaded into the car. We backed up and POP, my tire popped. I felt so frustrated!

We came in and got a few things done and I kept myself busy. It felt like a great day to prove to myself that nothing else is making me eat, it is my own actions that decide if I will have a healthy day or an out of control day. While little lady ate her lunch, I had my Clif bar. I told myself that no matter what I would be running during nap time. She went to sleep and I got on the treadmill. I finished yesterday's 4 mile run. It took me a long time. I almost quit at 3, but I knew that if I was going to take control of my health that I needed to show myself that I could do it.

I almost felt like I had let myself down. I will not be able to successfully complete my own February challenge. Then, I reminded myself that I didn't count calories for 3 days. I missed one run from half marathon training, but can switch my runs around and make yesterday a rest day and still complete all the scheduled runs. It just means by the end of the month I will have tracked for every day except 3 days and I will already have challenges for March. :)

Friday Figures

This may be a long one, but it is totally overflowing with happiness so I think it's okay.

Yesterday, Thursday, was one of the best days all around that I have had in awhile. Each morning I start my day off with a cup of coffee and check Facebook, email, and read a few blogs. I just use my iPod while drinking coffee and chatting with little lady. One of the blogs that I always check is Katie's at Runsforcookies so I started there. She was mentioning some new tea that she was trying out and it sounded amazing and I got slightly sidetracked looking at the tea. I almost didn't finish reading her whole post. Eventually I found my way back to her blog and remembered that she was posting the winner of a giveaway in that post. I got to the end of her post where the winner was posted and my heart skipped a beat. I was almost positive that my comment was showing up as the winner. It was a little hard to make out my profile picture on the small screen of my iPod, but it was my name with it. I almost knocked little lady down as I made a mad dash to my bedroom to use the actual computer to confirm my identity as a winner. I was ecstatic when I realized it was most definitely me and immediately called my husband to let him know. It made my day!

Although I did have an internal struggle that afternoon. We spent the morning having a play date with some friends. Little lady ate lunch at her friend's house and I just planned on eating some leftovers when we got home. By the time we got home it was time for her nap. Once she was situated in her bed, I was famished and couldn't wait for lunch. I warmed up a serving of leftover turkey pot pie. It wasn't a very big piece so I inhaled it in about one bite and still felt starving. I really wanted to binge on something, but I managed to convince myself that I would feel less hungry once my body realized that I did eat something.

I had planned on making the hubby some fudge for Valentine's day and I needed to get started with that anyways. As I was making it I was still having strong binge feelings. I ended up throwing a handful of chocolate chips into my mouth without even thinking about. As soon as I ate them, my mind immediately wanted to eat more since I had already messed up. I didn't know how many I had so my mind was telling me to just eat more and be done with the "track everything" challenge. I decided that I couldn't have had more than a tablespoon of chocolate chips in my hand and at 70 calories that hardly ruins my day. Although some how by the time I wrote it down 5 pepperonis found their way into my mouth too. (Seriously, I don't even know what happened. There was a serious bad mood moving in and it found them stashed in a drawer in the fridge.) I tracked the calories and moved on.

The mood was still moving in and little lady was attempting to skip her nap. (I could hear her chatting away on her monitor.) I was feeling overwhelmed with the need to get a few things done during her nap and if she didn't take a nap, I would not be able to get certain chores done. It was stressing me out and making me want to binge even more. I went upstairs to check on little lady. I cleaned her diaper, sang her a song and headed back downstairs. I knew that the only thing that would save me was a workout. Little lady falls asleep on her own and I decided that if she was still up in 15 minutes, I would bring her down without a nap for the day but I figured that if she was going to be in her bed for 15 more minutes either way, I might as well workout. So downstairs I went. I hopped on the elliptical and tried a pre-programmed routine that I don't think I had ever done before. I checked the monitor after about 10 minutes and there was silence! She finally fell asleep. I felt relieved and finished a 30 minute program on the elliptical and saved my mood for the day! I also got all of the things that I needed to do done.

The hubby came home and brought flowers for me and one for little lady. It was so sweet. I rarely get flowers so it was definitely appreciated. So I had a great Valentine's day all around.

flowers for me and my baby

This morning was my weigh in day. I had not peaked at the scale all week. I had the same nervous excitement as last week. I had to remind myself that I probably wouldn't see a huge loss, but that anything less than 164 (my weight from last week) would be amazing. (Although either way, I wanted myself to feel proud for another good week of working out and eating well.) I stepped on and saw 161.7! Talk about a great feeling. I am sure it will slow down soon but I am feeling so good! I lost 2.3 pounds last week.

Today little lady got her face painted and is just to cute not to share.

showing off her "makeup"

I hope everyone had a great Valentine's day!

Fat Tuesday

I am still focused on my February challenge of actually tracking every single thing that I eat. I did go over one day, but I am still happy that I tracked it. I had plans for a girls night out with one of my best friends. I knew we would be drinking and eating so I made good decisions (but still ate) throughout the day. I even moved my scheduled runs around so that I had a few extra "earned" calories that I could eat. I ended up being over by close to 800 calories! I don't know if that is completely accurate because I tend to overestimate whenever I eat anything in a restaurant. I had two beers at a local brewery, we shared hummus with pita chips and artichoke asiago dip with bagel chips and ended the night with a huge Miller Lite. I did not make the smartest choices while out, but I rarely get to go out with her so I wanted to just enjoy it. I did enjoy, track it and started fresh on Monday. I have tracked AND stayed in the correct range every day since then.

Even today, fat Tuesday. Growing up I remember every year on fat Tuesday my grandparents would bring over a huge selection of paczkis to choose from. We would have our pick and inhale it. I don't want my lifestyle to rob happy food memories from the hubby or little lady. (Not that you have to indulge in fatty foods to be happy and alive. I think the occasional treat is fine though. It was a tradition that I enjoyed and a day that reminds me of my grandparents now.) Little lady and I made a special trip this afternoon to the hubby's favorite bakery when he was a kid. We bought a few paczkis and waited for hubby to come home. After dinner, little lady and I split a paczki. I had looked up the calories for a paczki on a few different web sites and they all seemed to agree that it was 400-500 calories. I planned 250 calories for my half and enjoyed it. I am still 100 calories from the maximum calories for the day so even if it was a bit more, I feel covered.

On another note. At the end of the summer, I actually took a few "before" photos. I know that I should have done it sooner, but they are always devastating to look at. I figured even just seeing the progress from 175 pounds down would be fun. Since I spent the past few months maintaining, I have not been able to use the pictures. I am finally down 10 pounds and am ready to share some embarrassing photos. Before you feast your eyes on the prize I feel that I should warn you I am wearing some tight pants. I figured if I wore pants that were tight it would show a loss easier. Plus, I could continue to wear the same outfit for pictures as I lose weight. I figure every time I lose 10 pounds, I will take another picture. Here is my official weigh in pictures.

Front view

Back view - in REAL tight pants

side view

Hopefully you aren't laughing to hard at my "work in progress." I could not get the lighting the same in the pictures. It could be my lack of skills with a camera and camera timer, but I decided that it wasn't my skills and it must have been sunny in August when I took the first round of pictures.

The back view scares me the most because both pictures can be a bit disturbing. The fact that my pants are so tight in the first picture that my underwear is very obvious is awkward. In the second picture, what the hell is going on with my bra?!? Still work to be done. The "plus" on the latest back view is that my arms are positioned in a way that shows some muscle definition.

I am happiest with the "progress" on the side view. During both pictures, I tried to keep my stomach relaxed and not "sucked in." Believe me, I wanted to suck it in, but figured it would be better to see the progress of the real thing. I am very happy that it appears most of the ten pounds came from my stomach.

I am hoping the next 10 pounds will be much more dramatic!

Random three day weekend

I have already had two Non Scale victories this weekend! Although to be fair, the hubby took yesterday off work so I am halfway in to a three day weekend and both victories are fitness related.

Friday is my cross training day for half marathon training. I have decided that I will mostly use my elliptical for cross training until spring weather is here and I can enjoy bike rides. So Friday morning I put on my workout gear and headed down to the basement where all workout equipment goes to die the elliptical is stored. I dusted it off and hopped on. Of course the batteries were dead. I could still use it, but I wouldn't be able to see any info or change the resistance. I dug through our batteries and found every single type of battery other than the kind I needed. Normally, I would throw in the towel and complained about it all day and of course used it as an excuse to just skip the elliptical until we got batteries.

Something miraculous happened instead, I headed back down stairs with my heart rate monitor on and made up a workout and just focused on keeping my heart rate up. I did some jogging, jumping jacks, jump rope and even dusted off an old step for step aerobics and spent a song 'stepping.' I had decided I would just spend a half hour cross training, so I moved it for 30 minutes and burned 150 calories. Not my strongest workout, but I burned more calories than I would have feeling bad for myself and lack of elliptical batteries. (While out on Friday I did pick up batteries so crisis averted for next week.)

Today, Saturday, is my long run day. I had decided that I could do most of my weekday, short runs on the treadmill during little lady's naps until spring when I break out the jogging stroller again. I had planned on doing my long runs on the weekend so I could run them outside while hubs watches little lady. I did not want to do ANY long runs on the treadmill.

This week we have been covered with about a foot of snow. I don't mind running in the cold or snow, but I am afraid of slipping on ice. The trail that I run on is used by snow mobiles if there is more than an inch of snow on the trail. I figured the snow out there is a snow mobiler's dream and I feared I would be run down by a snow mobile. I debated about switching the long run to Sunday, but figured it would be just as snowy tomorrow and I had to face reality. I would be doing a long run on my treadmill.

I felt so happy when I actually completed my long run. To be fair, the run was only 4 miles and as training progresses I will have to run 4 or 5 miles during the week, which may have to be done on the treadmill. It was a huge accomplishment for me since; 1- I didn't use the snow as an excuse to skip a run and 2- I actually ran 4 miles in my room today! It felt good and I ran 3.15 miles and then walked for .1 mile and finished the rest running. Completing that run on the treadmill made me feel much more confident for my week day runs. I was hesitant that I would ever do the 4/5 miles runs on the treadmill, but I know that if I could do 4 miles then I can definitely do 5 miles. There is no stopping me now!

With that run I have officially completed one week of half marathon training! Only 11 more to go!

Friday Figures

I have officially tracked every single thing I have eaten for the past week! I am so proud of myself and I am feeling better than I have in a long time!

I woke up this morning feeling a bit bloated. I have been so excited to weigh in this morning and have a big loss. I only let myself peek at the scale once all week. I had checked in on Monday morning and actually saw 165 again. Laying in bed this morning, feeling bloated, I started to dread getting on the scale. I panicked that I would see a gain and let myself spiral back to not really tracking and continue to maintain my current weight. I laid there and reminded myself that I am going to complete this challenge either way.

I walked to the bathroom and mentally prepared myself for what I could see. I reminded myself that last Friday I was 167.7 lbs. I decided that anything less than 168 would be okay. I was hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. I stepped on and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I stepped off and on a few more times and the scale continue to reassure me. I weigh 164.0 lbs!

I felt extra excited about the weight loss because I even went out to eat this week. Usually going out to eat means I eat like a starving person at the restaurant and then come home and continue to act like I haven't eaten in days. Little lady and I met up with a friend for breakfast one day this week. I was feeling panicked about it, but I know that I can make healthy choices while eating out. The challenge was that we went to my absolute favorite restaurant and everything they make is absolutely delicious. I had decided that I would get whatever it was that sounded the best to me, but ask for no cheese and eat whites. They had a chicken BLT scramble for their breakfast special. I followed through with my egg whites and no cheese request and they had no problems. The best part is that their food is so good you don't even miss the cheese. I came home and tracked the meal as best as I could and ate well for the rest of the day. It obviously worked out well for me since I finally saw a new number on the scale!

I have been smiling about it all morning! I lost 3.7 pounds this week. I am not expecting huge loses from here on out. I think it's the exciting first week of a diet effect. Either way, I will continue to track my food and work on my half marathon training. I guess the secret to weight loss success really is eating right and exercising! Who Knew!?! :)

The little things

I am on day 5 of my own personal February challenge. I am happy to say that it's going quite well. I have completed two of my half marathon training runs, both on the treadmill. We finally got a decent amount of snow and I am terrified of falling on the snow. I am having to get over my treadmill issues since I am not ready to face the snow. I have had to run both runs for 3 miles. I am slowly adding longer runs before my walking breaks. I know the lack of ability to run on the treadmill is all in my head.

I keep thinking back to the virtual 5k and remembering how "miserable" I was. It was totally in my head and I didn't need to walk nearly as much as I did. I made myself do a full 2 mile run on the treadmill this weekend to get ready for half marathon treadmill training and I did 2 miles straight. I have been slowly adding distance before I let myself stop to walk for a minute. My first 3 mile run, I ran 2.25 miles, then walked for a minute and then finished the 3 miles. The next run I did 2.5 miles before stopping to walk. I figure by next week I should be able to run 3 solid miles on the treadmill. It seems so ridiculous to me that I am having such a mental hurdle with the treadmill, but I am so proud of myself for making myself push through what feels like torture. (Torture may be a bit extreme to use here.)

I did figure out one thing that has helped with my treadmill running. I am not fast. I know this, but for some reason I had it in my head that I should be running a 10 minute mile on the treadmill. Why would I do that to myself? Last summer I was always training at a 12 minute mile and have recently gotten most of my runs around an 11 minute mile, but never 10 minute miles. I do usually run faster at races and can do 10:30/10:40 minute miles. I realized I was setting my treadmill at 6.0 mph (10 minute mile) and then constantly failing. I decided to just let myself run slow(er). I have been setting it between 5.0 and 5.3mph. I can actually run at those paces. Duh. I guess I couldn't face the slow speeds looking me in the eye the whole time, but I have overcome that. Also, it's much more enjoyable to run further then shorter fast distances for me right now. (I will be working on speed this summer after my half marathon. For now my running energy will be spent on distance.)

Along with my running, I have been tracking every single thing I eat. It has been interesting for me. I usually track all of my meals and then just "assume" I have enough calories left if I want a snack. I wasn't necessarily going overboard every day (although some days, I definitely went way overboard) I just didn't track things. Most of the time my snacks are just yogurt or fruit, but I also do some 'handful of crackers' here, 'chunk of cheese' there.

Along with the whole mindless snacking thing...
We have a few decorations up for Valentine's Day and one is the cutesy vase with holiday candy centerpieces. I found Valentine's candy corn and thought that would be adorable. It looks cute and I am not overly interested in candy corn, but I still do enjoy it. Last night I ate 5 of them. The difference is that I tracked the 5 candy corns. Usually I just assume I have enough calories left or that I probably burned them off on my walk to the kitchen. I discovered I went over my calories by 4 calories for the day. I obviously wasn't to worried about 4 calories (I ran 3 miles earlier in the day and burned over 300 calories there that I didn't track), but it made me think. Normally I would have had a few more throughout the night, but knowing I was already over my limit kept my hand from dipping back in there. Maybe there is something to the whole "track every bite" thing. (I know, how have I not realized that before?)

I also had another overly obvious observation this weekend. I tend to struggle more on the weekends with hubby around. Hubs is not into the whole eating healthy "thing." He will usually eat what I make him for dinner, but he prefers to eat things that I don't eat. I think that occasionally he just can't take another healthy meal and he takes control and makes his own dinner. This weekend was one of those times.

He had been craving shrimp scampi since he had some at his birthday brunch and he really wanted to make them. He bought some shrimp for Sunday's dinner and some extra because who doesn't like shrimp. He decided to make a trial run of the shrimp scampi on Saturday night. After dinner. I was sitting on the couch smelling the butter melting with the garlic and it smelled like heaven. I was thinking things over in my head about how I could justify eating one of those delicious shrimps. I kept telling myself I could eat it and track it if I wanted to, but I knew that it wouldn't end with one shrimp. It would end with a bowl full of shrimp and me licking the bowl and figuring that I might as well top it off with some cookies. I glared at him while he enjoyed his shrimp scampi. I couldn't believe that he dare eat that delicious bowl of shrimp in the same house as me after we already ate dinner. Then, within ten minutes it was all over. Shrimp had been cooked. Shrimp had been eaten. I had not been involved.

I realized that while those ten minutes felt like torture, it was easier to handle than feeling bad about myself for the rest of the night/weekend. I only had to "struggle" for ten minutes and then I felt proud of myself for ten hours. It made me realize that it's easier to skip the "extra" food than to feel bad about myself for eating and letting those feelings take control of the night/weekend/week.

I felt accomplished and am feeling amazing! (On a side note, I did have shrimp scampi for dinner on Sunday. I figured out the calories for them and planned accordingly. They were worth the wait.) I actually feel really in control again. I haven't felt this powerful since the summer.

Friday figures

Today is the first day of the February challenge. I am feeling excited and positive for this. I guess I technically started yesterday since I did track everything I ate yesterday. I was proud of myself for not using the last day of "freedom" as an excuse to go off track. I realize that I have a really hard time tracking anything more than the minimum amount of calories I should eat. I use sparkpeople and count my calories until the low range and then if I have an evening snack, I just don't track it and assume I have the calories for it. If I keep it to just one snack/serving I am sure it stays in range. I think though some of my binges could be stopped if I just realized I could still eat possibly 300 calories. I just hate seeing the higher calories consumed. Although I don't write it down, my body still tracks it. Which leads to the point of today's post.

I will weigh in every Friday of February and track it, even if it's a gain. I have a tendency to weigh myself frequently but not track the gains. February I will own up to everything. I knew I would see a gain today. I did great last week including Friday. We celebrated the hubby's birthday all weekend and I did not control myself very well. I was okay with the eating and drinking on Saturday, but a tired/hungover Sunday did me in. We went to a super fancy brunch buffet to start the day. I actually felt decent with my intake. I enjoyed two plates both half full of fruit and one dessert with a few tastes of the hubby's. I figured we finished brunch at noon so it was easily lunch and I would eat a healthy dinner. We came home to a fridge full of delicious food. I ate pizza, birthday cake, cookies, crackers and of course a dinner too.

That did not start my week well and Monday we stayed home due to icy roads. I was feeling bad about myself so I decided to eat away my feelings! Genius! I felt gross and got my act together Tuesday but Wednesday evening I lost control and had a small after dinner feast. So frustrating! Thursday was perfect and we were actually trapped in again due to snow and ice so I think it's extra magical to control myself.

That leads to this morning. 167.7 lbs. I am up 1.7 lbs from last week. It makes me so mad but I have no one to blame but myself. I am feeling good about this upcoming week though and finally getting my mind to where it needs to be.