honesty

So lately I have realizing that I am not being very honest with myself. I constantly tell myself that I am actively losing weight. However, that is not entirely true. I have been thinking about my brother lately and the fact the he and his family will be stationed near Chicago by the end of February. I already started getting excited about the possibility of seeing them more often. This lead me to think about the last time we all got together. It was the end of August on our camping trip in Pennsylvania. I thought about my weight on that trip. I was proud to be in the low 170s. Before that trip my brother hadn't seen me since little lady was about 3 months old. I was in the low 200s at that time. I felt good being in a better place on our camping trip.

This made me think about the next time I will see them. It could be the end of February or at least by the end of March. I realized that in the 5 months that have passed since I last saw my brother I lost about 5 pounds. That made me realize that although I have considered myself to be losing weight, I have indeed not been losing weight as much as I have been gaining and losing the same few pounds over and over. Granted I am glad that I have actually lost weight and not gained weight, but I am admitting here and now to myself that I have basically been in maintenance mode.

I also believe that I may have let myself get a bit to comfortable here in the high 160s. I feel comfortable and if I stand the right way and "suck everything in," I think I look okay. The ugly side comes out though when I do a workout video in my room. There is a large full mirror near the open space and when I am doing certain moves I am horrified by certain areas of my body. I do not want to remain this weight much longer. I am close to my goal weight and have no excuses to not be more actively trying to get there.

I am setting a challenge for myself for the month of February. Since it's the shortest month of the year doing something for the month just seems easiest. I feel that I have stayed active but my eating can be out of control. I stay on track for a few days and then spend an evening gorging myself on the couch. I repeat that cycle over and over and wonder how I am not losing weight. It seems painfully obvious to me. I want to be a healthy weight so bad, but I have lost focus. I am finding my focus and my way back down the scale in February!

Goals for February:

• Continue with my exercise- Marathon training officially starts February 3rd. I picked a bit of a harder schedule to follow because it worked me up to 12 miles before race day instead of 10. I felt like I needed to know I could run 12 before I attempted 13.1. However, if the training is to intense I will let myself step down to an "easier" schedule. I do have to attempt each scheduled run and not just decide that a distance seems to far and "step down" without attempting my schedule.
• Track everything I eat- This will be the huge challenge. I track on the days that I eat well. On the days I decide to binge, all hell breaks loose! I would like to challenge myself to stay within a healthy caloric intake each day, but I don't want to set myself up for failure. I will attempt to stay on track everyday, but if I go overboard I have to stay accountable and track everything I eat. I am hoping this will help me in two ways. First, there have been times that I eat more than planned and feel like I totally blew the day and continue to eat to explosion. When if I had just counted the calories from the first food that sent me overboard there would have been a chance at saving the day. Secondly, perhaps possibly seeing how many unnecessary calories I consume on a bad day may help me keep myself in control.

That's it. I only have 2 goals and I think they are both more than doable. I really want this to be the summer that I hit my healthy weight range. I can't even imagine how great that will feel! I won't get there if I keep living like I have the past 5 months, but I can turn things around here and get ready for an amazing adventure. Let's do this!

Birthday madness

Today is Friday and that can only mean one thing. Weigh in day! I thought I would be so happy with the results, but I weighed in today at 166.0lbs. I was slightly disappointed because I actually saw 164 last weekend before my binge. I had to remind myself that last Friday I was 166.8 so I did lose almost a pound. I am fine with a pound and will continue to work at it. I have also been doing a bit more strength training than usual so perhaps my muscles are kicking in. Either way, I do feel good and am happy about that. Maybe next week I will be closer to 160 than 170.

On to the point of the post. Today is a special day to quite a few people. It is my amazing husband's birthday as well as Katie's. Katie is an amazing blogger who is so inspirational. For her 31st birthday she hosted a virtual 5k. Since her and my husband share a birthday and for some reason I could have sworn his bday fell on a Saturday this year, I didn't think I would participate in her 5k. As this week began I realized my husband's bday is on Friday which would also make Katie's bday and the 5k on Friday. I was excited to join in the fun. However, the joy didn't last long because I realized I would have to run during the day and Michigan winter is to cold to push a toddler in the jogging stroller so I would have to do my first treadmill 5k. Ugh.

I spent the morning trying to pump myself up for it. After little lady went down for her nap and I slowly got my important chores done, I dragged my treadmill to the living room and got started. I don't understand how people run on the treadmill. Outside I can easily do 3 miles. On the treadmill I want to quit 0.5 miles into it. I was not feeling into it today and wasn't worried about my time so I just ran when I felt like it and walked more than I needed to. I tried to mostly run, but I feel like it was more 50/50. I really should have pushed myself harder because official half marathon training starts in just over a week and I will have to do a few treadmill runs.

My results for the virtual 5k:

proof I actually survived 3.1 miles on the treadmill

I actually finished in 40:51 but had a moment trying to get my camera to work.

So, yeah nothing to impressive there but I was still proud to actually tough it out for 3.1 miles. Hopefully my next 3 mile run on the treadmill I will run a bit more than walking. I just need to actually move when I am running. I so prefer running outside than on that damn thing.

Onto more birthday fun: I wanted to take the hubs to Chicago by train this weekend, but with arranging childcare and winter weather driving it just wasn't looking to hopeful. We settled on just a night out downtown. My mom and grandma will be to our house by tomorrow afternoon and then we will be living it up as a childless couple downtown. I am hoping to eat a nice, healthy breakfast and lunch and just enjoy dinner and try to control my drinking. We will be staying in one of the best hotels in the area so I am excited. We haven't actually stayed there before, but we have been in it and it is beautiful. Hopefully he enjoys his fun filled birthday weekend.

Take 2

Last year, around this time, I was feeling so embarrassed about my weight and overall health. I really didn't know what to do or how to start. I had just started thinking about doing the couch to 5k and was waiting for weather that I thought would be acceptable to push little lady in the jogging stroller. January and February are generally pretty cold here in Michigan and I figured I had until at least March. I was motivated enough though to try something in February. I had decided to give Jillian Michaels 30 day shred a try. I started it on February 1st, 2012. I ended it on February 8, 2012. I remember thinking how impossible it was. I never left level one and only half did most of the moves. Thankfully, spring came early here in Michigan and I began running March 13th, 2012.

I never looked back on the 30 day shred. until now. I really enjoyed the muscle soreness from my half ass attempted boot camp and wanted a really good workout. I did level one of boot camp yesterday and was surprised at how easily (maybe 'easy' isn't the right word here, but compared to last year 'easy' makes sense.) I finished it. I felt slightly sore today, which I was glad and I attempted level two this afternoon. I was shocked that I was able to complete most of level two. I don't feel ready for level three just yet, but I was so proud of my abilities. I think I have to thank boot camp for making me realize that just because something is hard, doesn't mean I can't do it.

Also, on a boot camp note. I feel lame for quitting it and wanted to put another excuse out there. I really wanted to use boot camp to get a work out in during the winter without having to freeze. I knew there would be running in boot camp and I assumed we would use treadmills or an indoor track. I was wrong. We would run outside around the building in circles. It seemed like extra torture. (Again, I know...boot camp isn't supposed to be fun.) Another thing that made me really want to quit was talking with my friend about races we want to do this year and about maybe one day doing a triathlon. I was so pumped talking to her and I love being excited to work out. It just made me want to quit boot camp. I don't want to torture myself with working out. I want to really enjoy what I am doing. I am at a place in my life/health that I actually do really enjoy the healthy foods that I eat and the activity I do. I believe that will be the key to success.

Still kickin it, just not bloggin it

I have been pretty consistent lately, but haven't felt like blogging much. I think it's just the general blah feeling of the winter and not wanting to be whiny on here. I have however been remaining active, which I am so proud of! I just wanted to give a recap of the past almost month.

Weight: I have been maintaining at the very least. I am proud of that because I will need to be able to maintain, but I wish I was at a weight that I wanted to maintain. I did put on a few pounds over Christmas, but I have since taken them back off. I was around 167 this past Friday but have actually seen 164 since then. I am hoping to get into the 150s eventually. Actually, I know I will get there I just hope it's sooner.

Nutrition: I am hit or miss on healthy eating lately. I have a few days of tracking everything I eat and then a day or two of just eating everything I see. I have been keeping processed foods out of the house for the most part and that helps when I pig out. I am not going to completely cut processed foods out because I just don't want to put extreme limits out there. I will be trying to avoid processed foods for the most part. I actually do cook most/all of my meals so really it's just snacks that are processed and I am trying to control my snacking anyway.

Activity: I have been running once or twice a week just to stay active and get used to my new Garmin forerunner. I love it so far! It makes it so much easier for me to just run and still be aware of how far I am running. It will also help with my next training schedule. I am officially signed up for my first half marathon! It is at the end of April and near my mom's house. I am excited and will be starting official training in about a week and a half.

I did have one minor workout embarrassment. I didn't actually do anything physically stupid, but I felt stupid. I found a great deal on Groupon for a boot camp class. I begged and begged for hubby to let me do it. (It was evenings, twice a week.) I barely made it through two weeks and refuse to go back. (That's the embarrassing part.) I felt weak there which should have been a reason to stay, but I just didn't feel ready for such an intense class. It was also not fun just being yelled at for an hour straight twice a week. (I know, it was a boot camp class. What was I expecting?!?) I didn't get yelled at personally, but I just do so much better with positive encouragement. I did learn an important lesson though in the short amount of time that I was there. I realized that I am capable of so much more that I let myself realize. I have always convinced myself that I absolutely can not do a burpee/mountain climber/any pylometric activity. While I was being yelled at I could do something that seemed close enough to pass as that particular activity. It was amazing to me. I have now busted out some old DVDs that I have that I always quit half way through because they are "just to hard" and I am nailing them! It feels good to get some strength training in.

Also, to end on a positive. I used some Christmas money today. I headed out to an actual running shoe store and got fitted for real, actual running shoes. I decided on the Brooks Adrenaline. They felt amazing and I can't wait to take them out.

beautiful shoes