Spring is such a tease!

Yesterday was 40 degrees AND sunny! Little lady and I were out running errands and by the afternoon I wanted to take my winter coat off and soak up the sun. I immediately sent the hubby a message asking if I could run outside when he got home from work as long as he didn't pick up over time. I was so excited when he agreed and didn't think there would be overtime.

He came home and I was all dressed for an outdoor run. It felt great and my time wasn't to bad. I averaged an 11 minute mile for 4 miles. My first 3 miles were faster than an 11 minute mile, but my last mile is uphill and was 11:30 minute mile. I felt great and was proud of my time.

The bright sun had actually melted the snow covering the trail. This is just one day after my previous picture of this trail (snow covered).

It felt so good to finish and feel accomplished. I realized the treadmill is not for me. I really don't feel awesome when I am done on the treadmill. I am just glad that it's over and I think about quitting about every 0.1 mile. Recently I have been thinking that maybe the half marathon would be to much for me and I was worried that I got myself in to deep. The treadmill makes me slower and not as happy. These past two runs outside have made me remember that happy feeling from running. (Not exactly runner's high on both of these runs, just the "I am done running and now feel awesome!") I feel like a half marathon will be totally doable again!

I will still have to use the treadmill a bit, but I am going to try really hard to get my long run and the longer run of the weekdays done outside. Once spring is actually here and temps are above 50, I can push little lady in the jogging stroller again. I am excited for that too. I loved her being a part of my running experience too. I felt like a positive example for her. (Although, I also really like my runs alone.)

Today I am actually taking my rest day from Sunday. I haven't had a rest day in a week. I am proud of that, but actually felt a bit sore today. I am happy to rest. I also noticed that I felt starving today. I ate breakfast an hour earlier because I was just so hungry. I still felt a little hungry after eating breakfast but if I eat to much in the morning, I lose all control. We went out to little lady's "school" and when we got home I scarfed down lunch with her. I had planned on eating lighter today since I wasn't working out, but I haven't eaten any "extra" calories from any of the past few workouts. (I have eaten at the high range of the day though.) I plugged in everything I planned on eating for my meals for the day and was still almost 300 calories under the minimum for the day. I decided to have lunch part 2 while little lady was napping. I made a sandwich (which I have been craving- I used to have one every day for lunch and I don't think I have since last summer.) and it was delicious. I still felt like eating more, but I drank a few glasses of water and got working on the house. I still feel slightly hungry, but I don't want to turn it into a binge. I am thinking I will need something else before dinner so fruit will be my friend today.

Well, I need to go finish cleaning up this house. My brother and his family should be here tomorrow and I can't wait to see them. We are expecting some serious snow though and I am hoping that somehow things will still work out.

Friday Figures (one day late)

This past week was rough. I hate feeling like I am not in control of my moods. I feel like I should be strong enough to remind myself that I don't want to eat an entire box of crackers, but sometimes the mind wins. I guess it's just a reminder that even though I am feeling in control today, tomorrow is a new day and I need to be prepared. I am still learning ways to handle binge urges. I have a book to read and a crochet project in the works so hopefully that will keep my hands busy and refraining from shoving snacks in my mouth.

Since the previous Friday, I only stayed on tracked 3 days. For 4 days (Sunday - Tuesday and again Thursday) I was completely out of control. I would eat lunch and then find a few other lunch options to snack on. It was disgusting and I felt awful. I hate knowing that what I am doing is hurting me and not being able to stop. I thought I was back in control Wednesday, but at the same time I still felt "off." I managed to track and stay in the correct caloric range, even with going out for dinner and drinks but unfortunately I lost it again on Thursday.

I really thought about not weighing in on Friday morning because when I binge I can easily gain 5-10 pounds. I thought about giving myself a few days and then weighing in, but I think I knew that I needed to face the number to actually see the damage I had done. (Plus, it can snap me out of it when I see how much I have gained.) I stepped on and was completely devastated to see 170.3 lbs. I wasn't going to post it here, but I felt like I needed to be able to look back on it and remember how much damage I can do in such little time.

I stayed on track all day Friday and finally felt out of my funk. I did my cross training and ate properly. Out of curiosity I stepped on the scale this morning(after only one day) and am already back to 165.5 lbs. I am going to use the 165 on my "Weigh in" page since I feel like that number more accurately reflects on the weight that I actually gained. The 170 was probably a lot of water/bloat.

I am actually proud of even posting the gain at all. I have a horrible habit of not really acknowledging my gains. I avoid the scale when I know that I am gaining and then when I do step on, I don't track it anywhere. I usually refuse to post or track (on sparkpeople) a new weight unless it is less than the previous weight. This is foolish on so many levels. It happened and I think it will help me to just own up to it and move on. Plus, next week's loss will feel even better!

Onto happier news: As mentioned all last summer, hubby and I love camping. We would camp every weekend if we could. Little lady has been camping since she was 5 months old. We always brought her a pack-n-play to sleep in, but this year we think she is ready for a sleeping bag (She will be 2 in April). On Friday, she spotted a princess sleeping bag while I casually walked up through a camping supply aisle. She loved it and just had to have it. :) The hubby thought it was a good idea so we brought it home and talked up camping. We decided to have a family camp out in the living room last night. It was awesome! Little lady has never really been a cuddler. She has always slept in her own bed. Occasionally we have thought it would be so cute to sleep next to her and we try to get her to sleep in our bed, but she gets so excited to be near us that no one sleeps until she goes up to her bed. I am happy to say that she fell asleep rather quickly in her sleeping bag between mommy and daddy. I loved waking up and seeing her cute face. I am extra excited for camping now! Our first trip is already planned for Memorial Day weekend! (P.s. It will be another biking trip!)

This morning, after a nice night on the floor, I had a scheduled 6 mile run. After the mood I was in all week, I tried convincing myself that no matter what I would run outside. I woke up to see 4 fresh inches of snow and a steady snow falling. Plus, my fleece was dirty. I reluctantly set up the treadmill and let daddy and little lady have some fun. I did it and it wasn't as bad as every run I did this week. My mind was in such a bad place that even running at all was a huge chore. Usually running for me is always challenging, but in a good way. I almost always feel amazing when I am done, but this week I still felt shitty even after my runs. I was glad that although 6 miles on the treadmill felt torturous, it was also amazing to know that I did it! I feel in control again and I couldn't be happier!

Willpower, where are you?

I feel like I need to just get this off my chest before I let it linger here forever. Since my last post I have basically had an "I've fallen and I can't get up" moment.

On Saturday, I woke up and did my long run of 5 miles. I felt really nauseous and out of it afterwards. I pushed myself and got ready for my mom's visit. I don't know why I struggle so much with my eating when she is around, and this trip was no different. We survived lunch and then headed up to the store to get things for dinner. I was thinking about getting some pumpkin ravioli but the hubby had mentioned his recipe for homemade pizza. Since she was in town for her birthday, I let her choose. She chose pizza.

Thankfully I knew this early enough in the day and I had run so I could count the calories and be fine. I did that and handled it well. I felt good but was nervous for Sunday.

There is this amazing Sunday brunch buffet near our house. It is expensive, but really nice and my mom loves it. We were taking her there for her birthday and I was feeling anxious about it. They have sushi, cheese, side salads, pancakes, French toast, omelette station and an entire section of beautiful (and tasty) desserts. I knew I would count everything but I didn't want to go overboard.

I actually felt good with my decisions. I had a lot of fruit and sushi and then tasted little things here and there. I picked out one dessert and then had a bite of little lady's. I didn't think I did to bad, but when I got home and counted it, it was close to 1000 calories.

That would have been fine, but little lady had woken up early Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I swear I need a ridiculous amount of sleep to function well. As soon as I am even slightly tired my mind convinces me that eating will help or at least it wants food and it doesn't say no. I could feel some type of craziness coming on. I thought about getting a workout in to try to off set some of the calories, but thought it would be better to take a nap. Once little lady was napping, I laid down. I should mention here that I am the worst napper. Everything distracts me and my mind just races. Needless to say, I did not fall asleep. So here is where things get embarrassing.

I came out of the bedroom more tired and cranky than I was. There were all sorts of snacks and treats leftover from the weekend. I forgot my willpower and let go. I ate cake, ice cream, crackers and anything else I could get my hands on. And lots of it.

I went to bed defeated and I wished it stopped there. I woke up super cranky on Monday. Little lady woke up early again and I could feel something was off. I was struggling to get us ready for the day. We were supposed to meet some moms up at the library for a play date. I dragged so much all morning that I decided by the time we got there it wouldn't be worth it. We had a very unproductive morning. While little lady took her nap I did manage to get my scheduled 3 mile run in. Then things slipped. I wanted to finish watching an episode of Teen Mom (secret, embarrassing guilty pleasure) and for some reason I thought I needed a snack to do so. My mom had bought some low calorie popcorn so I measured out 2 cups and sat down. This was the moment that I let Monday go. I decided to just finish the bag of popcorn and from there it didn't get better. I believe I made myself some chicken nuggets for lunch, finished the ice cream, and found all sorts of things to snack on the entire nap time. To top it off, I requested that the hubby make pizza for dinner! What happened?

I woke up on Tuesday still tired, but wanting to put up a fight. I thought if we could just make it out of the house, I would survive. I had an appointment at David's Bridal for my bridesmaid dress for my best friend's wedding so we had plans. Just as I was about to get dressed, the hubby sent me a message that they were stuck at the shop all day because the roads were just ice. They would only be allowed to go to a job if it was an emergency situation. I decided my dress ordering was not an emergency situation and canceled our plans. I survived until lunch. While little lady ate her lunch I ate a kids Clif bar to give me some energy for my scheduled 4 mile run. Little lady fell asleep and I decided that I would just rather eat lunch and run in the evening. I convinced myself that it would be better that way. I ate a nice salad for lunch. Oh how I wish I stopped there. I found some crackers and peanut butter in the house, made some pasta, and finished it off with a PB sandwich. Seriously, I turned my run into a 4 course lunch with snacks. Awesome. In case you can't see where the day ends, it doesn't end in a run.

I spent the evening feeling bad about myself. I was convincing myself that I had eaten enough over the past 3/4 days to undo all of my hard work. I know that is not completely true. I may have undone a week or two worth of hard work, but I am not 200 pounds again. I can also try to learn something from this. I have to be able to make mistakes, pick myself up, and continue to work on my habits. I will continue to face each day as a new start and let it go. Everyone makes mistakes. I made a few days of mistakes, but I can fix it.

After little lady went to bed, I made a short list of why it is worth it to continue trying. I felt a bit better after writing that and I decided that I really struggle when sleep is compromised. I decided that if little lady was going to wake up earlier, then I needed to go to bed earlier. I think hubby thought I lost it, but at 9:30 I tucked myself into bed and at 10 it was lights out.

Today little lady was back to her regular "waking time." I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day. I was still nervous that I would not stay on track and I felt that it was super important to get out of the house this morning. I ate a light breakfast, got us dressed and loaded into the car. We backed up and POP, my tire popped. I felt so frustrated!

We came in and got a few things done and I kept myself busy. It felt like a great day to prove to myself that nothing else is making me eat, it is my own actions that decide if I will have a healthy day or an out of control day. While little lady ate her lunch, I had my Clif bar. I told myself that no matter what I would be running during nap time. She went to sleep and I got on the treadmill. I finished yesterday's 4 mile run. It took me a long time. I almost quit at 3, but I knew that if I was going to take control of my health that I needed to show myself that I could do it.

I almost felt like I had let myself down. I will not be able to successfully complete my own February challenge. Then, I reminded myself that I didn't count calories for 3 days. I missed one run from half marathon training, but can switch my runs around and make yesterday a rest day and still complete all the scheduled runs. It just means by the end of the month I will have tracked for every day except 3 days and I will already have challenges for March. :)

Random three day weekend

I have already had two Non Scale victories this weekend! Although to be fair, the hubby took yesterday off work so I am halfway in to a three day weekend and both victories are fitness related.

Friday is my cross training day for half marathon training. I have decided that I will mostly use my elliptical for cross training until spring weather is here and I can enjoy bike rides. So Friday morning I put on my workout gear and headed down to the basement where all workout equipment goes to die the elliptical is stored. I dusted it off and hopped on. Of course the batteries were dead. I could still use it, but I wouldn't be able to see any info or change the resistance. I dug through our batteries and found every single type of battery other than the kind I needed. Normally, I would throw in the towel and complained about it all day and of course used it as an excuse to just skip the elliptical until we got batteries.

Something miraculous happened instead, I headed back down stairs with my heart rate monitor on and made up a workout and just focused on keeping my heart rate up. I did some jogging, jumping jacks, jump rope and even dusted off an old step for step aerobics and spent a song 'stepping.' I had decided I would just spend a half hour cross training, so I moved it for 30 minutes and burned 150 calories. Not my strongest workout, but I burned more calories than I would have feeling bad for myself and lack of elliptical batteries. (While out on Friday I did pick up batteries so crisis averted for next week.)

Today, Saturday, is my long run day. I had decided that I could do most of my weekday, short runs on the treadmill during little lady's naps until spring when I break out the jogging stroller again. I had planned on doing my long runs on the weekend so I could run them outside while hubs watches little lady. I did not want to do ANY long runs on the treadmill.

This week we have been covered with about a foot of snow. I don't mind running in the cold or snow, but I am afraid of slipping on ice. The trail that I run on is used by snow mobiles if there is more than an inch of snow on the trail. I figured the snow out there is a snow mobiler's dream and I feared I would be run down by a snow mobile. I debated about switching the long run to Sunday, but figured it would be just as snowy tomorrow and I had to face reality. I would be doing a long run on my treadmill.

I felt so happy when I actually completed my long run. To be fair, the run was only 4 miles and as training progresses I will have to run 4 or 5 miles during the week, which may have to be done on the treadmill. It was a huge accomplishment for me since; 1- I didn't use the snow as an excuse to skip a run and 2- I actually ran 4 miles in my room today! It felt good and I ran 3.15 miles and then walked for .1 mile and finished the rest running. Completing that run on the treadmill made me feel much more confident for my week day runs. I was hesitant that I would ever do the 4/5 miles runs on the treadmill, but I know that if I could do 4 miles then I can definitely do 5 miles. There is no stopping me now!

With that run I have officially completed one week of half marathon training! Only 11 more to go!

The little things

I am on day 5 of my own personal February challenge. I am happy to say that it's going quite well. I have completed two of my half marathon training runs, both on the treadmill. We finally got a decent amount of snow and I am terrified of falling on the snow. I am having to get over my treadmill issues since I am not ready to face the snow. I have had to run both runs for 3 miles. I am slowly adding longer runs before my walking breaks. I know the lack of ability to run on the treadmill is all in my head.

I keep thinking back to the virtual 5k and remembering how "miserable" I was. It was totally in my head and I didn't need to walk nearly as much as I did. I made myself do a full 2 mile run on the treadmill this weekend to get ready for half marathon treadmill training and I did 2 miles straight. I have been slowly adding distance before I let myself stop to walk for a minute. My first 3 mile run, I ran 2.25 miles, then walked for a minute and then finished the 3 miles. The next run I did 2.5 miles before stopping to walk. I figure by next week I should be able to run 3 solid miles on the treadmill. It seems so ridiculous to me that I am having such a mental hurdle with the treadmill, but I am so proud of myself for making myself push through what feels like torture. (Torture may be a bit extreme to use here.)

I did figure out one thing that has helped with my treadmill running. I am not fast. I know this, but for some reason I had it in my head that I should be running a 10 minute mile on the treadmill. Why would I do that to myself? Last summer I was always training at a 12 minute mile and have recently gotten most of my runs around an 11 minute mile, but never 10 minute miles. I do usually run faster at races and can do 10:30/10:40 minute miles. I realized I was setting my treadmill at 6.0 mph (10 minute mile) and then constantly failing. I decided to just let myself run slow(er). I have been setting it between 5.0 and 5.3mph. I can actually run at those paces. Duh. I guess I couldn't face the slow speeds looking me in the eye the whole time, but I have overcome that. Also, it's much more enjoyable to run further then shorter fast distances for me right now. (I will be working on speed this summer after my half marathon. For now my running energy will be spent on distance.)

Along with my running, I have been tracking every single thing I eat. It has been interesting for me. I usually track all of my meals and then just "assume" I have enough calories left if I want a snack. I wasn't necessarily going overboard every day (although some days, I definitely went way overboard) I just didn't track things. Most of the time my snacks are just yogurt or fruit, but I also do some 'handful of crackers' here, 'chunk of cheese' there.

Along with the whole mindless snacking thing...
We have a few decorations up for Valentine's Day and one is the cutesy vase with holiday candy centerpieces. I found Valentine's candy corn and thought that would be adorable. It looks cute and I am not overly interested in candy corn, but I still do enjoy it. Last night I ate 5 of them. The difference is that I tracked the 5 candy corns. Usually I just assume I have enough calories left or that I probably burned them off on my walk to the kitchen. I discovered I went over my calories by 4 calories for the day. I obviously wasn't to worried about 4 calories (I ran 3 miles earlier in the day and burned over 300 calories there that I didn't track), but it made me think. Normally I would have had a few more throughout the night, but knowing I was already over my limit kept my hand from dipping back in there. Maybe there is something to the whole "track every bite" thing. (I know, how have I not realized that before?)

I also had another overly obvious observation this weekend. I tend to struggle more on the weekends with hubby around. Hubs is not into the whole eating healthy "thing." He will usually eat what I make him for dinner, but he prefers to eat things that I don't eat. I think that occasionally he just can't take another healthy meal and he takes control and makes his own dinner. This weekend was one of those times.

He had been craving shrimp scampi since he had some at his birthday brunch and he really wanted to make them. He bought some shrimp for Sunday's dinner and some extra because who doesn't like shrimp. He decided to make a trial run of the shrimp scampi on Saturday night. After dinner. I was sitting on the couch smelling the butter melting with the garlic and it smelled like heaven. I was thinking things over in my head about how I could justify eating one of those delicious shrimps. I kept telling myself I could eat it and track it if I wanted to, but I knew that it wouldn't end with one shrimp. It would end with a bowl full of shrimp and me licking the bowl and figuring that I might as well top it off with some cookies. I glared at him while he enjoyed his shrimp scampi. I couldn't believe that he dare eat that delicious bowl of shrimp in the same house as me after we already ate dinner. Then, within ten minutes it was all over. Shrimp had been cooked. Shrimp had been eaten. I had not been involved.

I realized that while those ten minutes felt like torture, it was easier to handle than feeling bad about myself for the rest of the night/weekend. I only had to "struggle" for ten minutes and then I felt proud of myself for ten hours. It made me realize that it's easier to skip the "extra" food than to feel bad about myself for eating and letting those feelings take control of the night/weekend/week.

I felt accomplished and am feeling amazing! (On a side note, I did have shrimp scampi for dinner on Sunday. I figured out the calories for them and planned accordingly. They were worth the wait.) I actually feel really in control again. I haven't felt this powerful since the summer.

Birthday madness

Today is Friday and that can only mean one thing. Weigh in day! I thought I would be so happy with the results, but I weighed in today at 166.0lbs. I was slightly disappointed because I actually saw 164 last weekend before my binge. I had to remind myself that last Friday I was 166.8 so I did lose almost a pound. I am fine with a pound and will continue to work at it. I have also been doing a bit more strength training than usual so perhaps my muscles are kicking in. Either way, I do feel good and am happy about that. Maybe next week I will be closer to 160 than 170.

On to the point of the post. Today is a special day to quite a few people. It is my amazing husband's birthday as well as Katie's. Katie is an amazing blogger who is so inspirational. For her 31st birthday she hosted a virtual 5k. Since her and my husband share a birthday and for some reason I could have sworn his bday fell on a Saturday this year, I didn't think I would participate in her 5k. As this week began I realized my husband's bday is on Friday which would also make Katie's bday and the 5k on Friday. I was excited to join in the fun. However, the joy didn't last long because I realized I would have to run during the day and Michigan winter is to cold to push a toddler in the jogging stroller so I would have to do my first treadmill 5k. Ugh.

I spent the morning trying to pump myself up for it. After little lady went down for her nap and I slowly got my important chores done, I dragged my treadmill to the living room and got started. I don't understand how people run on the treadmill. Outside I can easily do 3 miles. On the treadmill I want to quit 0.5 miles into it. I was not feeling into it today and wasn't worried about my time so I just ran when I felt like it and walked more than I needed to. I tried to mostly run, but I feel like it was more 50/50. I really should have pushed myself harder because official half marathon training starts in just over a week and I will have to do a few treadmill runs.

My results for the virtual 5k:

proof I actually survived 3.1 miles on the treadmill

I actually finished in 40:51 but had a moment trying to get my camera to work.

So, yeah nothing to impressive there but I was still proud to actually tough it out for 3.1 miles. Hopefully my next 3 mile run on the treadmill I will run a bit more than walking. I just need to actually move when I am running. I so prefer running outside than on that damn thing.

Onto more birthday fun: I wanted to take the hubs to Chicago by train this weekend, but with arranging childcare and winter weather driving it just wasn't looking to hopeful. We settled on just a night out downtown. My mom and grandma will be to our house by tomorrow afternoon and then we will be living it up as a childless couple downtown. I am hoping to eat a nice, healthy breakfast and lunch and just enjoy dinner and try to control my drinking. We will be staying in one of the best hotels in the area so I am excited. We haven't actually stayed there before, but we have been in it and it is beautiful. Hopefully he enjoys his fun filled birthday weekend.

Deflated

Thankfully not me, but definitely my tire which I will get to in just a moment. I am feeling happy and positive again. I managed to finish yesterday with a run which made me happy, but not as happy as I usually feel after a good run. I just let little things get to me and I shouldn't. Thankfully my healthy spirit was back and I did not binge yesterday! After feeling frustrated with hubby I relaxed with some tea and the blanket I have been working on for little lady. I felt much better and relaxed before I went to bed.

Today I had a few things on the agenda and am proud of how things turned out even with a bump in the road. My best friend wanted to leave her car here when she went out of town so that it would be easier to pick up her dog after her trip. Little lady and I got ready early so she (and her boyfriend) could visit with us while they waited for their ride. We actually managed to be ready extra early and while little lady was distracted (watching tv, I know bad mom) I decided to clean my bathroom. Fridays is bathroom day and I had a lot of things to accomplish during naptime so I figured getting one of the bathrooms out of the way would be amazing. It was! Shortly afterwards my friend and her boyfriend showed up. We had some coffee and chatted and they were on their way.

I had plans to meet up with a different friend and her daughter who is about 6 months older than little lady. We usually get together every Friday for a playdate and adult chat. I needed to make a run to the post office for stamps (We are already sending out invites to our Christmas party!) so I figured I would stop their quickly and head off to my friend's. We got in the car and pulled out of the garage. The car felt weird, but I was quickly on the gravel portion of my driveway and didn't notice to much. As soon as I got on the road I could tell something was very wrong. I stopped in the middle lane for a second to assess what to do. I did not want to drive it an inch further for fear of making a bad situation worse, but I also knew I could not leave my car in the middle of a semi busy road. I pulled a U turn and went back into my driveway. I made it half way up and stopped to see what was wrong.

 

I quickly realized my plans for the day would have to change. Thankfully my friend is flexible and just packed up and headed to our house.It sucks because I got all panicky feeling like I was just in a horrible car crash. I am sure I sounded devastated when I called the husband. 

I used to be the person (hell, even last week I was the person...) that would let something like this ruin my day. I would  have cancelled my plans and been a downer with little lady and eaten my misery away during her nap. However, I know there is nothing else I can do about it until hubby gets home so I enjoyed my time with my friend. Afterwards, I finished the bathrooms, and even better accomplished a workout I was dreading!

My 10k training has 2 cross training days per week. Usually we do some walking around on Sunday or walking to the library on Monday and that counts for the shorter day (about 30 minutes of activity) but there is one longer cross training day per week. I think in the beginning it was 45 minutes, but the last 3 or 4 weeks have a 60 minute cross training day. Up until now my longer cross training has been bike rides with my friend or long walks with another friend. This week it was to cold to really take a nice long walk and I was not sure what I would do. I had decided early on today that since little lady always takes more than an hour nap there was no excuse to not start up the treadmill and kill 60 minutes. I knew it would be boring and I was ok if I split up the time but I did 60 minutes of brisk walking on the treadmill. And it didn't kill me with boredom. I did watch 2 shows. I am proud of getting that out of the way. I wanted to run a portion of it but decided to save myself for tomorrow run.

Also, I almost forgot I ran in shorts yesterday! I bought some clearance running shorts a few weeks ago. I have always thought running shorts were cute but didn't think I could wear them. I decided that for $10 I could have a pair and wear them to work out in the house and see how they feel. It felt freeing, but I definitely had the shorts riding up and felt some chaffing. Next summer, I will be outside in running shorts.

So whiney...

I can't stop being so negative, but first let me shout out with excitement...

I just ran on the treadmill for the first time! It was awkward. Is it always awkward? Ours has a dial to increase speed instead of buttons. I had a hard time finding a comfortable pace but I was sweaty when I finished so I consider it a success.It will definitely help out with my short runs and is perfect for now since it is starting to get dark out much earlier.

Now that I got that out of my system, allow me to complain.
I hate how much of a struggle this whole weight loss thing is. I am glad that I finally feel "strong" again, but it feels like there is always something trying to get in my way. I love my husband and am so thankful for everything he does and sometimes he can be my biggest supporter. On the other hand sometimes he is my biggest obstacle. My weight loss this time is focused mostly on physical activity. Throughout the summer I could easily get my run done in the morning with little lady and it didn't affect hubs at all. However, now that the weather is changing and I am increasing my mileage it is getting harder and harder to get my runs in with little lady. I wish he understood just how challenging this is for me and could watch her just once without complaining or my favorite "hurry up." I know I sound awful for complaining about my husband and what he doesn't do for me when there is so much that he does for me.

I might be losing my mind

Today I had a 3 mile run on the schedule. I was debating with myself about when I would get it done. I really miss being able to get up, drink a cup of coffee, get my run out of the way and then enjoy the day. With the weather changing I just can't run early with little lady. This morning I drank my coffee and was thinking about just running this evening once the hubby is home. Then I realized that little lady and I had absolutely nothing official on the schedule today so there was no reason not to run before her nap. We did have to go grocery shopping so we eventually got dressed, out of the house and bought our groceries. Once we got back I was secretely hoping it would be to late to run, but no of course we had over an hour until lunch time so I couldn't back out. It was beautiful out but I just hate pushing the jogging stroller lately.

I dragged myself out there though. I jogged for about 2 minutes and just wanted to quit. There was only one time that I actually didn't finish a run that I started and I was feeling similar to that day. I decided that since I am really struggling with the jogging stroller again that I would let myself do intervals and not feel bad at all about it. (It was either that or quit and I just couldn't quit.) I stopped jogging at 3 minutes in and walked for a minute. I told myself that even if I just kept running for 3 minutes and walked for 1, I would count this as a 3 mile run. My next running spurt I felt a bit better and decided to do 4 minutes of running before stopping. I decided to then do 5 minutes and work back down to 3 minutes again. When I started what would be my 5 minute running period I felt better and decided to just go for a bit. I don't run with anything to tell me how far I have gone, but from when I borrowed a Garmin I sort of know around where to turn. For example, in order to run an out and back for 3 miles I run until the 3rd street and then turn around. For some reason today I never remembered crossing the 2nd street. During my 3rd running burst I told myself to run until I crossed the 2nd street then I could take a walking break. It was taking me forever to get there. I looked down at my watch and was shocked to see it was almost 20 minutes. I could not believe how slow I must be running. In my mind it hadn't even been a mile and it had taken me almost 20 minutes. I was so frustrated. Little lady was starting to whine so I decided to just run until 25 minutes and then turn back wherever I was at. I got to what I thought was the second road and stopped. I was pretty sure this was the 3rd street that should be my turning point. I stood there awkwardly for a minute trying to decide what to do. Since little lady was fussing and I thought it looked like the 3mile turn point, I turned and headed back. I was pretty sure that I had cut my run short and was coming up with plans to work with my training schedule. I have a 2 mile run and strength training for Thursday and I thought about switching them around. Just as I was deciding to just count this run as my 2 mile run, I ran over the 2nd road. I had some how not noticed crossing the second road, I was on track for 3 miles! I also ended up running the whole way back without walking breaks thanks to a sweet group of ladies that ran past me. I love our trail and the people that run on it! These ladies had passed me coming towards me and had yelled out a, 'keep up the good work mama!' and then must have turned at some point and came up behind me and passed again. They yelled out more encouraging words to me. It was so nice and definately needed. I could hear people coming from behind me and I figured once they passed, I would walk again. When it was these ladies and they were cheering me on I some how felt like I couldn't let them down and just kept running. I must have been emotional because I also teared up a bit. I ended up finishing my 3 miles in 37:39. I only ended up walking 3 or 4 of those minutes. I am definitely not breaking any records out there, but I am pushing a stroller. :)

I am feeling much more positive since my run too. I have some fun news to share. It's here! It's here!

 

I am so excited to hate this thing!

We picked up the treadmill from the hubby's brother last night since hubs ended up being super busy all weekend. I sort of hounded hubby because I was afraid his bro would think we didn't really want it and get rid of it. The hubby didn't mention that it was broken when his brother offered it to him so I was slightly upset at first. However, I am married to Mr. Fix It. Before he even brought it in the house he had it fixed! I am excited. It's nothing fancy but it works (now) and hopefully I will use it this winter. I almost thought about running on it today, but I know I will be bored on it so I want to enjoy the nice weather while it lasts.