worry free weekend

I am really enjoying not counting calories. It is helping me to focus on what I am eating and why instead of just trying to get the numbers in the correct range. I was secretly hoping that it would really help with the binges I have been having. I really seem to have no self control and when a binge comes on I barely resist it before I am shoving food quickly into my mouth.

This weekend the hubby was gone on a guy's weekend so little lady and I were left to fend for ourselves. I was excited for our girl time, but nervous about my eating habits. For some reason when I am left alone it seems like a great idea to see how much food I can eat. I found myself even thinking about buying some ice cream to enjoy before hubby even left. I was starting to picture a relaxing weekend of putting little lady to bed and just digging into ice cream. I made a promise to myself to not buy any food that I did not need to eat. I stuck to that but did not end up binge free.

Hubby left Friday morning. Little lady and I had a MOMS club meeting that morning and then came home and went for a run (my first one post half marathon!). She took a nap while I worked on things around the house. After her nap we walked to the park and played for a bit before dinner. Then, we decided to have a living room camp out that night. We made popcorn, watched a movie, and slept in our sleeping bags on the living room floor. It was fun and I think my food was in check for the day.

Saturday started out really good. We got moving pretty quickly and spent the morning with hubby's sister in law at the farmer's market and the zoo. It was a busy morning followed by a nice nap time. (I actually got a lot of spring cleaning done!) We ended the day with a bike ride into town and strolled the shops. I got a cute dress and little lady got a lollipop. It was a wonderful day. She went to sleep and I was feeling great. About an hour later, I felt a bit hungry. I had fruit, but didn't want it and decided to let myself eat a tortilla because we were so active all day. Tortillas have become my downfall. I just love the carby goodness of them. After my first plain one, I decided I needed to eat a wrap. So I made myself a tortilla ham wrap and then things just slowly spiraled down from there.

Sunday I woke up and surprisingly felt okay (usually my stomach is rough the next day). I had wanted to go running and made myself stick to it. I ran 4.5 miles pushing little lady and then came home and worked on the yard until nap time. Hubby came home after nap and we got to spend the evening as a family.

It was a fun and busy weekend. I loved spending all that time with little lady! I know I get to spend all day every day with her, but it was still exciting to have a full weekend with just her. I could plan anything I wanted to do and not have to worry if anyone didn't want to do my plans. I think we both had fun (and I am sure hubby had fun on his weekend away)!

I am still sticking to my intuitive eating. Minus Saturday, my intuition was not telling to eat as much as I could! I actually weighed myself today just to see. I wanted to wait until May 15th but I was nervous that to much damage could be done by then. I was down 0.4lbs since Wednesday. I am okay with that. I am actually okay with just maintaining this month. If I lose weight I will continue to eat intuitive and if I maintain hopefully I will feel refreshed and ready to focus on calorie counting again.

I feel like I should mention that I am basically eating the exact same way as before. I usually eat oatmeal, eggs, or a smoothie for breakfast, leftovers for lunch , and one serving of whatever is for dinner. I am not allowing myself to buy processed snacks so my only real snack options are fruit or raw almonds. Basically I am still trying to eat clean but not worry so much about counting every calorie. I am hoping that by just paying attention to what I am eating and why I am eating that I will become better able to handle my eating urges.

changing things up

I think it is quite obvious that I have not been entirely dedicated to losing weight. I can keep super focused for about 2 weeks and then I slack. It has kept me losing weight very slowly. I really don't mind losing weight so slowly because I do feel that I have a better chance of keeping it off, plus maybe I won't have as much loose skin.

However, it is frustrating to think that at the end of last summer I weighed somewhere in the low 170s. Yesterday I weighed 160.7. I have lost about 10 pounds since summer. It frustrates me that I could be at goal weight right now, but at the same time I am trying to be positive that I am 10 pounds smaller than last summer.

I am starting to be very tired of counting calories (even if it's only half assed attempts). I usually do great at counting calories for breakfast and lunch and then it slips away from me. I have noticed that if/once I track dinner calories if I want any snacks or wine I don't even track it and start to assume that I am over my calorie range for the day. Usually wine or snack just put me over the low range of my calorie goal, but in my head once I eat more than the minimum I might as well throw in the towel for the day. I stop counting and start eating. It makes no sense but that is how my mind works. I have decided to try something different.

I will not be counting calories at all for the month of May. This could be disastrous!

I do feel like I have a great idea of what I should be eating and my ultimate goal would be to not count calories every day for the rest of my life. I want to eat like a "normal" person. I will be trying to eat intuitively. At times knowing my calories count and my calorie range can throw me off. I will eat snack even if I am not hungry because there are extra calories left over. I think it would be better (or at least worth trying) to try to really pay attention to my hunger and really try to base my eating off of that. If it doesn't work out at all it won't seem much different than what I have been doing for the past 8 months or so. I am hoping that just the release of not counting calories will help me relax and only eat if I am hungry.

I weighed myself yesterday, May 1 and I was 160.7lbs. I will only weigh myself May 15 and June 1. I would hope to be back under 160 by May 15th. If I am not I may call it quits and start my attempts at calorie counting again. Otherwise I will continue to slowly lose weight without focusing on calorie counting.

I feel like I should also mention that I am not planning on just eating whatever junk I feel like it. I have been sticking to mostly clean foods and that will still be happening. I will be eating my regular meals, just not counting. This is not a free for all.

Here is to a stress free month of eating (healthily)!